Does this "Make Sense?"

Wow I haven't posted since December...

I'm not sure if anyone out there is still logging into the post, but if you are, I wanted to give you all a quick update.

I'm getting married one week from tomorrow..whoa! So much of my time has been spent planning the wedding. It's hard to believe the Big Day is almost here and even harder to comprehend that I left for Ethiopia almost 1 year ago! Time really does fly by and I find myself reflecting on my time in Ethiopia often. Perhaps it's because it is fast approaching the one year mark, or perhaps it is because I have found out that some of my team members that I went with are going back to Africa this summer. Who knows, but either way, I can't wait to go back and blog all over again. :)

Some more news is that I will be moving to South Carolina in August. Michigan-->Arizona-->South Carolina; I'm like a regular ol' gypsy:) (I secrelty wish I was). With this big move leaves me the option to leave my current job or to stay...Let's face it, it's not like I've been too keen in my current work for quite some time and this is a great excuse to move. However, I am very apprehensive with the economy and it makes sense to stay because it means I have a job. However, even writing that statement "makes sense" is difficult to read.

Why must I always try to "make sense" of everything? I believe I spend more time trying to "make sense" rather than follow my instinct or heart because in reality it doesn't "make sense".

When do I stop trying to handle everything and hand it over to God? The few things that I have truly come to realize since I've been back from Ethiopia are as follows: How much I...
1) dislike my job
2) L-O-V-E blogging
3) Finding my true passions in life - which are DETAILS. I got a new camera over Christmas and I feel that I can actually capture what I see...which lead me to search blogs and to find inspiration out there. There is soooooo much out there that I have seen in the past few months that I can't help but me inspired to do more with my life.
I can't make it into a coherent sentence, but I know I can make a simple (and in humility) request to pray for me that I find what I am to be doing with my life...that the Lord will guide me toward His will, because there I will find my true passion and contentment.

Thank you and I hope all are well...

Much love,
Jen

Going, Going...Launched!

The Mocha Club has Launched their new Campaign - "I need Africa More than Africa Needs Me". If you want to read my thoughts on this concept, please see my last post from last week and I really encourage you to check out the Mocha Club's website - they have been my link to my experience in Africa.
Anyways, they have launched this new campaign and I wanted to clue you all in!

http://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/i_need_africa




I am so excited by the Mocha Club's new Campaign and I really feel like this new launch is something that is needed..."just say no" to the late-night depressing commercials and "just say yes" to spreading the word of what an awesome continent Africa really is! :)

Much love,
Jen

"I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me"

I will go back to Africa again. I will visit Addis Ababa again.

I will go because I have to.

I have to go because I love it.

I love it because I adore the people.

I adore the people because they are real.

They are real because they have no pretense.

They have no pretense, which leads me to have no pretense.

Therefore:

Going to Africa = Me being myself

Or(to put all of that in a nutshell)...

"I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me"

What a concept, huh?

This "concept" was presented to my team while we were in Ethiopia this past summer by the Mocha Club Director. This past week this concept was presented to me again and I was asked to blog about why I need Africa more than Africa needs me. I am still struck at how simple and, yet, complex this statement is.

There I was in Ethiopia being served by these people to their fullest capacity and I felt that I had nothing to give them in return. I was served in more ways than one; from the smallest of gestures of a girls' kiss on my cheek and whispering konjo in my ear (konjo means beautiful) to a street kid in Ambo cleaning the mudd off my shoe with a stick when he was barefoot himself. I was moved to tears by their kindness and also by the purity of our moment-in-time relationship.

This wasn't the Africa that was painted on those late-night commercials. I had seen "those" commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about. The commercials that always seem to wake you up after you have fallen asleep on the couch and you look up through sleepy eyes at a child with a pot belly and flies in their eyes staring back at you. It's depressing, to say the least. These images always seemed to make me feel helpless, hopeless, and ultimately pitiless because there are only so many times you can see those images and not become numb to them.

After returning from Africa, I wondered where the commercials were of the moments I lived while I was in Ethiopia. Why don't they show them laughing? Why don't they show them smiling? Why don't they show them even eating?!

I can't make a commercial, but I can write these blogs for you to a be witness to the change that has occurred in me. I can paint a picture in your mind of an Africa that you may have not seen before.

I yearn to be back in Ethiopia. I would love to be back in the bright orange tent at the Kachini Center dancing with the kids who never seemed to get enough of me doing the "robot" in the center of the bright orange tent.

I yearn to be back at Hannah's Orphange so I could visit with Kalkidan, a young woman who always greeted me by slipping her hand into mine from behind my back and only letting go when she had to give me a hug to say goodbye.

These are now the "commercials" that play in my mind. These are the "commercials" that wake me up in the middle of the night. They have changed me more than my blogs will ever be able to convey. This is the Ethiopia - the Africa - that I want you to know. This is the Ethiopia that I want you to see.

And, ultimately, I hope you see that I need Africa more than Africa needs me.


***If you have enjoyed following my blogs, then follow the Mocha Club because it is the real reason I went to Africa. For real, check it out! www.MochaClub.org It is a community based website where you can invite your friends to join you by giving $7 a month - the cost of two mochas- to a project of your choice.
It is a great organization made up of great people and I am so thankful to be a part of this group and I want you to be a part of it as well. If you would like to join my project of orphan care by donating $7 a month then please visit my link 'https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/invitation/14159809008939d3adfc9dbc0cc73fe4'

Last, but not least:

****Share your thoughts in my comments, and even blog about it yourself. Join in the worthwhile cause of recasting the damaging images that force pity over partnership. Come back Dec 1st to see what Mocha Club is doing about reforming that image****

I look forward to what you all have to say...check in with you soon (December 1st)!

Much love,
Jen

My Purpose

The time between this blog and the last is a little embarassing. You would assume that having a life altering event occur in my life would stir up so much emotion that I would just have to write about it. However, it's been so life-changing that I can't even do much these days (besides work), which brings me to my next point: what am I do with my life?

I work for Target - that big national retailer that is usually in everyone's hometown with the big alluring bullseye that seems to draw millions of people to walk through its doors each day. It is often referred to as "the place I love to shop! I love it there!", by my friends or acquaintances when I tell people where I work. My usual response is, "yes, it's a fun place."

What am I talking about?!

I really don't think Target is "fun". I used to.

I used to love my job...l-o-v-e my job...I can't say that now, nor have I been able to say that for the past two years, however, the past two months have been the most difficult for me to walk into my job every day.

The other morning, before the store opened, I was walking the store and I passed the end of an aisle that was full of High School Musical Barbies and I was literally disgusted - sick to my stomache. I asked myself, "what am I doing here?!"

Please don't misunderstand me, Target does some great things for the community, and they sell a lot of "necessary items", but my heart isn't in Target and since coming back from Africa, It's been very difficult to go to a job that really is all about "revenue" (and sells High School Musical Barbies):)

All this ranting and raving isn't going to do much, I understand, however, I am feeling this way because my heart isn't in Target - I am not fulfilling my purpose.

I believe so many of us believe that life is like this - we go to jobs we actually "hate" and go through the motions because it's just a job, and we are ok with this.

Why?

I believe it's our scapegoat to not accepting all that God has designed us to be.

I was emailing one of my team mates from Africa last month and we were going back and forth about our situations at work and in one of his emails I could tell that he really wanted to move to Africa, but that it isn't practical because he has a daughter, but even if he doesn't go to Africa, he stated he really didn't want to work at the same job anymore.

I believe in him - I believe that there is more to his life than what he is doing - I believe this because he admitted it - he is feeling "it" - it being something more out there.

But what is he doing about it?

What am I doing about it?

I think I still put on the red and khaki every day because just leaving my job isn't practical. I've been battling with this "being practical" thing for a while now. I find it so ironic when all I read in the bible are people that were the complete opposite - John the Baptist, Moses, King Jehu, Abraham, and the list goes on. But we know they were following God and never say "geez, that sure wasn't practical for Moses to leave". We don't say this because they were standing up and moving toward something greater than themselves - God!

This is the battle I fight today - I almost quit my job one week ago. I literally, just about put my two week notice in with no other job lined up. I didn't do it because I was too scared to. Too scared to step out of the boat - too scared to trust that God has everything under control.

I have been in a comfortable spot for too long and I believe that I let my job give me a false sense of security with money, my development with the company, my savings, etc. But, as you can tell, it's given me nothing because I am still unhappy.

As I sit here on the couch drinking a cup o' joe, I can't help but think that the people in Ethiopia that I met along the way seem to be in a better place than I am in right now. Sometimes to have less is to have more...

So, this is where I am at right now. This trip to Africa has really thrown me for a loop and right now I am asking you for your prayers that I may be blessed with the knowledge of knowing the things that my Father has called me to do and that I will be able to carry out God's work with honor, peace and joy.

I pray for you as well...I pray that you will be blessed with the knowledge of your purpose and that you will be everything that God designed you to be...

James and Surafel Know Their Stuff!

This is a picture of Surafel and me. Surafel is attempting to take off my hat, which was a definite no-go for me since we hadn't had running water for 2 days and my hair was in that hat for a reason! ha!

I love this picture, though, because it is a great reminder of how fun my time was with him.

Surafel (pronounced Sir-awful) was our translator during our entire time in Ethiopia. He is 20-years-old and speaks fluent English. He has never left his country of Ethiopia, nor did he really express any real interest in leaving - he loves his country. Surafel is currently in school and he was approached by the Mocha Club Director, Barrett Ward, to be the translator for all of the teams that would be visiting Ethiopia over the summer. He accepted and I can't imagine my time in Ethiopia without him.

I could never sit next to him over breakfast or dinner without breaking into laughter. I loved his humor because he was sarcastic and quick-witted; we got along quite well in that arena:)

Beyond his humor, he is smart, well beyond his years. His street sense is unmatched and it is amazing for me to think that he is considered a "nerd" by the locals because he is a Christian and translates for foreigners when they comes - aka "faringis".

His mother has passed away and his father, if I remember correctly, is still alive but he has never met him. He too is a orphan and the children love him! I found myself watching him while we were at Kachini, or Hannah's (another orphanage in Addis). He is a complete natural around the children and they gravitate toward him...or maybe it's the other way around:) He is someone I look up to and he is someone that truly is an example of faith in action.

I think of Surafel often. Mostly I think about what he said one day as we sat in the guest house waiting for our day to begin. We were sitting side-by-side on the couch when I reached into my bag and pulled out my journal. I asked him for his address and email address. As he took my pen and began to write in my journal, I stated to him, "I know you have no intention to visit the United States, but if you ever do, you have a place to stay with me."

I really meant it. I didn't say it to anyone else while we were there and I didn't give anyone else my information. But what he said to me, stuck with me. Surafel replied back to my offer, "Do you know how many times I've heard that and I've never heard back from anyone."

Wow

Empty promises...

What amazed me the most is that he continued to write down his information without hesitation. That was a true testament of itself for if I had been told numerous times that exact same thing, I wouldn't be writing down any of my personal information due to the fact that I wouldn't be contacted.

I believe I have a great responsibility in this world to build relaionships. It was something that I lack in my life and you can read about in my blogs that I've been positing since April. I need to slow down in my life and listen to people, build relationships with people...

I can go on all the "right" trips and volunteer my time with local organizations, but if I don't act on my faith that says to "love one another" and it is not accompanied by action, then my faith is dead.

Surafel understands this...that is why he will continue to write down his address and his email address for those who ask because his actions reflect his faith. He has faith in God and that faith in God keeps him grounded to not be so bothered by the fact that sometimes people will hand out empty promises.

My favorite book in the bible is James; full of the vital basics of Christianity delivered in a simple and direct way. James is mainly focused on faith and deeds. I read from James Chapter 2 this morning and I was reminded that there are two types of people.

Those that have faith.

And those that have deeds.

We can't live by faith without taking any action. And we can't take action without having faith...

I believe the actions that I need to take in my life are connecting with people...really building relationships with those around me. It is when I feel most like myself and when I truly feel that I am living out my faith.

Surafel and James seem to get it and watching Surafel live out his faith by connecting with the people was a true testament that someone's faith is made complete by what he does...not by faith alone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must write an email to Surafel and tell him just that...

James 2:24 "You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone."

Imagine

Today I plugged my earbuds into my ears and pressed "play" on my Ipod. The song that played was Jack Johnson's version to "Imagine".
I always thought this song was "nice" before I went to Africa.
I find it so powerful now.
I find it to be a real wish of mine for the people of Africa.
Upon hearing this song today, I was brought back to the drive back to Addis Ababa from Ambo. It was a cloudy day, about 60 degrees, light rain. I felt the weather reflected my feelings on leaving Ambo. I had such a great time in Ambo with the people at the church and working with the Street Kids was such a life-changing experience that I found it bittersweet to be leaving these people, yet I looked forward to going back to Addis and seeing the children that we had spent time with on our first day at Kachini.
With my Ipod plugged into my ears and the music blaring, our bus began our journey back to Addis, but first, we were going to see a waterfall that was just north of Addis. Sammy (our personal bus driver, who I secretly had a crush on...ha, kidding!) safely (barely) navigated through the roads up to the top of a mountain and pulled off to the side so we could get out and look out at this beautiful land.
The view took my breath away...
The land was so green and the fields lay like a patchwork quilt and dirt paths zig-zagged the fields. This is the point that it really hit me that we were in Ethiopia! This country is so beautiful and unique. I tried to soak in the moment and journal about it immediately in order to remember that moment. Here's what I had to say:
"I am such an ignorant person. I thought Africa would be hot, dusty, and filled with giraffes and elephants. However, I have yet to feel the temp rise above 70, I haven't seen an elephant nor a tiger or lion, and sometimes I wish there was dust because it would mean that there wasn't so much mud to maneuever around while walking along the street or to a restaurant. I just got done viewing the land surrounding Ambo at about 9,000 feet and I felt like I was on top of the world...I wish that everyone and anyone could see Africa in this way and want to take a stand and do something...anything..."
My team and I climbed back into our bus (aka "death-mobile" since Sammy is an absolute maniac driver) and drove down to see the waterfall. The guard to the entrance of the waterfall took one step on the bus and saw a bus full of white people (faringi's as they call us) and rambled off some ridiculous price to see the waterfall.
***It is imperative not to give the locals whatever price they ramble off since they usually won't make any other deals for the day with other locals and will normally raise the price on items that the locals can't afford, since they already made enough money for the day because "faringis" have paid the highest price.****
We skipped the waterfall and made our way back to Addis. This is when I heard the song "Imagine" on my Ipod. It was a perfect backdrop to the drive. Our bus pulled over at one point during the drive to let another bus pass us on the one-lane road. Our bus had stopped in front of a small hut and there were three children standing in the doorway. The oldest girl stepped out and came toward the bus and smiled at us. The other two children slowly crept out behind the girl. As I stared back at these children, the lyrics blared in my ears, "you may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope one day that you will join us..."
It's true...
I was in a bus filled with people that felt the same way that I did about Africa and there were more to follow my team, and the team after them, and it goes on and on...
My team and I were so moved during our first four days, especially with the Street Kids, that we asked Barrett Ward (Mocha Club Director) what we could do to help them. His explanation helped me understand how important it is to not go in and "save" people without getting to know the community, the people, and complete the work that was first started.
While the Mocha Club would like to pursue the Street Children more in the future, they need to first finish building the school in Ambo that they have started. If you would like to assist in building this school, it will cost you $7.00/month...that's it!! To join the funding for the Ambo School project, click http://mochaclub.org/joinme/brward/12

If you don't wish to, I understand, and "you may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."

Just imagine...


**The picture is me looking down at our view that day outside of Ambo**

I Feel Good

I passed a homeless man today. He was holding a sign up that read "will work for food, shelter or $. I'll watch your dog." He was sitting cross-legged on the corner of a busy intersection. I pulled up next to him and looked at him. He looked up at me and I smiled. He smiled back. I instantly began wondering why he became homeless. Is it merely a choice because he wanted to? He had to? What was his name? Where was his family? Where was he from? Was he honest with his note on his sign?

But what I really began to think about were the Street Kids in Ambo. This is a picture of them eating the lunch that we served them that afternoon of our third day in Ethiopia.

There were about 60 of them; all young men between the ages of 8-17-years-old. They were homeless. Kicked out of their homes due to lack of food/money or for other various reasons. These boys became each other's family and took care of one another.

We spent that day with them and after eating lunch we hit the soccer field. A soccer field that was mud - thick, sticky mud. After running down the field and slipping nearly 10 times, I was done and made my way to the sidelines. I attempted to scrape the 10 pounds of mud that had engulfed by shoes when a young boy came up to me and motioned for my foot. He then took out a tool and began to scrape the mud off of my shoes. I looked down at this young boy and noticed that he was barefoot himself.

How is this possible? How could he be a servant in that moment? He had nothing, but he gave me everything he had. My eyes began to water and I had to look away in fear that my tears would swell and spill out of my eyes. What a beautiful portrait to see this boy caring for me in such a way and then to look in front of me and seeing another young boy doing the same for another one of my team members.

What an example they demonstrated...selflessness...servanthood...caretaker...innocence...

These were real people...real stories...real lives...real hearts...real names...
They were so real and I felt so...fake!

I felt so good that day because they were so real. The more real they were, the more real and alive I became. I felt convicted by my superficial and judgmental ways of living. It was so easy that day to be myself because I let my judgments go...

It is much easier to just enjoy people for who they are, rather than for what they are.

That is why I loved that day in Ambo...I saw them for who they really are...beautiful and genuine. I see them how God wants me to see people. He sees their soul and I only wish that every day could be like that. How great would it be if we could walk around and see people's character/soul on the outside just like a physical characteristic? It really is freeing...refreshing...stimulating...I felt good (to put it simply).

Felt good is past tense. I should put it in present tense - I feel good.

I didn't feel good before I left for Africa. I worried about the trivial things and I cared a lot about what I had that defined me. The Street Kids saw me for who I really was and it allowed me to do the same for others.

That is why I smiled at the man today holding the cardboard sign. I smiled because I was reminded to see that man for who he was...not a "homeless" man, but just a man that has a name...that has a life...that has a story...and, to be honest, it made me feel good to judge less and love a little bit more...

Konjo, no?

The second day of our journey was spent on a drive to Ambo. Ambo is a small town that is about 3 hours northwest of Addis Ababa. I was really looking forward to driving outside of Addis just to see this beautiful country.

The country is beautiful. The temperature was in the mid 60's and it rained every day. The land is mountaineous and green. The soil so rich that it's black. The farmers till the land with an ox and plow and I saw them every where. While on the drive to Ambo, the sun broke out of the clouds and beamed down on the patchwork quilt of fields that littered the country side. Besides Sammy (our crazy driver) swirving to miss cattle that lay in the middle of the road, it was quite a peaceful drive to Ambo.

I couldn't stop pondering why this country was one of the poorest in the world. They seem to have everything; peace, a strong connection with family, land, rain, education. It didn't seem to add up. It seemed that 1+1 = 0 and my mind couldn't comprehend why they have so much, yet so little. I read from Hebrews during my time in Ethiopia and a reoccuring theme seemed to keep "popping" up of these people being blessed. My first night in Ambo, I read from Hebrews 6:7 "Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God."

I stopped after reading this. This verse was their country. They are a blessed country, but once again, I didn't fully understand. How can one be blessed, but still have disease? How can a country be blessed and still have poverty? I got very upset one day after I returned back home and I broke down crying. Telling God over and over again that it didn't make sense and what did he want me to do? Then I heard the still small voice inside telling me "see them as I see them."

Wow.

God revealed it to me in a way that made sense...I needed 1+1 = 2. However, there is no such equation. That is our way of thinking, though. We, as Americans, must have an answer and a solution to everything. Including how to make their lives better. However, we are the ones that need to be changed.

Their lives are much more than a late-night Sally Struthers commercial (as my fiance, Matt would say). They are more than children with flies in their eyes, pot bellies, and overcome with depression. We need to see people for who they are, not what they have (disease) or what they don't have (material things).

They have their own individual stories. I feel so blessed to be able to listen to their stories and experience their country. I fell in love with these people and their country the moment I stepped off the plane and the Ethiopians are in love with their country as well. One day, in Ambo, my team and I got our shoes cleaned by the street kids (who I will write about in a later entry) and our group leader, Geoffrey, asked one of the kids what he thought of Ethiopia. The boy replied with a big grin and said, "Ah yes. It is the life!"
While in Ambo we also visited a school and church that the Mocha Club (the organization I went with to Africa) sponsors. The children hung out with us for a few days and one day, a little girl came up to me and kissed my cheek and looked at me and said, "konjo." My eyes began to water because earlier that day, I had learned that konjo means "beauiful."

She was right - that moment was konjo.
This entire country and the people are konjo.

Now, if we could actually put those moments on a late-night commercial, instead of a depressing Sally Struthers commercial, we might begin "to see them how He sees them."

Keep Out of Reach of Children

My first day in Ethiopia was spent sleeping until noon, then having lunch (which was usually PB&J - double decker style as one of my team mates would say), and then we piled into a van and were on our way to Kachini Study Center. This center is located in one of the poorest areas of Addis Ababa and has a very high rate of AIDS.
The drive itself was impactful enough. There seemed to be no sense of order to the driving there - it is absolutely insane! There are no street names, some streets are dirt/mud and have 3 foot pot holes in them. There are no stop lights, no stop signs, and even if there were, no would follow them. Beyond the craziness of the drive, I saw so much; a man crippled by polio who was walking on all fours (elbows and knees), children begging on the street, people sitting everywhere...doing nothing...just squatting on the side of the street watching the cars pass by.

It's interesting to think back on that first day because as our days progressed in Ethiopia, I was less impacted by what I saw...well, at least what I saw in the streets. I suppose it was my introduction to Ethiopia. It seemed to be a place riddled with disease and poverty.

So...I expected the Kachini Study Center to be the same...filled with disease and poverty.

I was wrong. Completely wrong.

Our van pulled up to a bright sky blue gate and it was opened by a male guard. Our van drove in and there were kids smiling back at us all around the center. Some stayed off to the side, while others waited for us outside of the van. Our leader told us to not be shy and just have fun with them. So I did...I walked off the van and I was immediately greeted by two small boys. They held out their hands for a warm handshake. They were the finest little gentleman and they had the brightest smiles. I was lead inside a building where we sat at a table and played with one small piece of playdough. This piece of playdough was gray from being mixed with every color in the rainbow and they were content with this. I even had a pair of earrings made. :)

As I played with the children, a young girl approached me who had a piece of cloth tied in a bow around her forehead. She was a very cute girl with hazel eyes. What hit me was the rash that seemed to have spread all over face. She was the happiest and one of the most outgoing girls there and I kept spying her all over that afternoon. I kept thinking how simple it would be to take care of that rash with some ointment and how bad I felt if she didn't have access to it.

God must have heard my thoughts because a few hours later, she came and sat across from me at a table and in her hand was a tube of prescription ointment. She sat there and rubbed this ointment into the 5 spots on her face in a grown-up like manner. She would catch my eyes once in a while and smile at me. I reached out for the ointment and read on the package, "Keep out of reach of children."

My heart broke.

I wanted to save this little girl with the big hazel eyes and fabric bow tied around her forehead. I didn't want her to have to be so grown-up. I wanted to keep this life that she was living out of her reach. I wanted to keep all of the children out of the reach of poverty and hunger.

But as the days progressed in Ethiopia, I realized that most Ethiopians have been dealt a life that should have been kept out of their reach, but instead of them thinking the worst and being hostile, angry, or depressed, they are the complete opposite. They are the most beautiful and gracious people I have met.

I believe that at one time I had labeled Africa, "Keep Africa out of reach of Americans/Me". However, in reality, we need a heavy dose of a prescription called a "Wake-up Call."

So...I, Dr. Jen, prescribe a prescription for you (with unlimited amounts of refills) to a "Wake-up Call" and get out there...do something...love someone...help someone...listen to someone.

Who knows? Maybe you might start to feel better...prescriptions have a tendency to do that. :)

Speak for Me

I have waited long enough to start to share my time in Ethiopia with all of you. Some of you have patiently waited and I am truly sorry for keeping you waiting. I am finding it much harder to share my experiences with others than I had anticipated. I have plenty to talk about, but it's hard to find a beginning and an end to the experience because it doesn't have one. It has impacted my life, it is currently impacting my life, and it will continue to impact my life. I also find it hard to talk about because this experience is so much bigger than me...than all of us, really. I find it difficult to find the words to describe how I felt and what I saw.

I continue to think about lyrics to a song by Jaci Velazquez because it is exactly how I feel:

What have I to offer
To a world in need
Yet for some unknown reason
You have chosen me

Lord you have set my journey
You've prepared the way
Still, I'm desperate for the words to say

All I am is willing
All I have is in your hands

Every brief encounter
that you send my way
Is it just to show the love You gave me?
I see their troubled faces
A hunger deep inside
Lord, I depend on You to touch their lives

Light what burns within me
Let Your truth shine through my life

Speak for me
This my plea
Say the words I can't express
Sing for me
A heavenly melody
That the people will be blessed
Speak for me


I feel this way about telling my story to all of you...I have no words that make a coherent sentence...I don't have the words to express how I feel...I'm quiet about my experience because I want no pat on the back, I don't want someone to tell me "good job", I don't want someone to say, "what did you do there? Just try to not get aids?" (Yes, folks, I heard that one.) I don't want any glory because I did nothing while I was there. Nothing impactful for those people. I mean, I went there, spent a few weeks with them, came home and went on with my life and they went on with theirs. The people impacted me more than I will ever impact them.
I really don't have my own story to tell. My story is their story. The people I met in Ethiopia invited me into their lives and were so generous. I was completely refreshed by them and it was great to connect with people for who they are as a person...nothing more and nothing less...

So, with that, I will share "their story" which they have let become "my story". I will let them speak for me and let their truth shine through my life!

Much love,
Jen

You, you, you! Photo!

While in Ethiopia, my group and I heard children shout at us to take their pictures. They would point at us and come running when we would whip out our cameras. They would shout, "you, you, you...photo!" They were all natural models and they posed so perfect, without even realizing it. Please take a look at the pictures and enjoy. I still have yet to share my experiences with you, but for now I will let the pictures tell my story.

Yes!

I can't resist to post it on my blog, but I am engaged! I am engaged to "my man" of 2+ years. We got engaged the end of June, but with all the craziness of him leaving for Afghanistan (please keep him in your prayers) and me leaving for Africa, I kept it on the back burner. It has really hit me in the past few days, though, that I really am engaged...please don't ask me a date...I don't know :/
Anyways, I gotta keep it real, though...it's about Africa you want to hear about!:) Don't let your panties get in a bunch, I'll write about my time in Ethiopia! Ha!

Much love,
Jen E...one day I will be "Jen K."

In the States

I rolled back into town late at night on Tuesday. I took Wednesday off and hung out with my dog and watched the back of my eyelids for most of the day. I went back to work yesterday. I want to write about my experiences from my journal I kept while I was there in order for it to be a more coherent blog. However, I can't do it right now. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am back and I had a great time...that seems like such an understatement. Well, you will just have to stay tuned to find out why I think it's an understatement. :)
Once again, thank you for your prayers and your support. This trip was made possible by all of you and for that I am truly grateful. Please continue to pray for God to open my eyes to what I am to take out of this experience and to have the wisdom to discern what it is that He wants me to take away from it vs. what I think I need to take away from it.
Stay tuned for more...

Much love,
Jen

5...4...3...2...1...Blast off!

It's 12:30am...I am leaving in 6 hours to go to the Tucson airport. From there I will fly into Dallas. I meet my team in Dallas and as a team we then go to a hotel and have our first meeting and discuss the next few weeks, especially the next few days.

My team and I will leave Dallas on Wednesday morning and we fly into London, England. We spend the night in London and then arrive on Thursday into Addis Ababa, Ethiopia...yes!

At first, I was disappointed to be staying in London. I just wanted to get to Africa as fast as possible and I felt that it may take away from my experience. Well, now I am humming a different tune, because I am going to love having these next few days to think about the next two weeks. I have been so rushed these past few weeks with Matt leaving for Afghanistan, being newly engaged (1 week), me leaving for Africa, moving out of my apartment, and finding out that I will be leaving my current store to start another position at another store, I haven't had much time to think about the next few weeks.

I was rushing around a few days ago and I kept thinking about everything I had to do, and I remember thinking, "Lord, help me", but before I knew it, it changed to, "Lord, I trust you..." Folks, that is what is called the "Holy Spirit". I was so reassured by the simple, yet very significant, way of rephrasing my "needs"....

I do that so often in my life..."Lord, help me!"

"Lord, help that person."

"Lord, heal that person."

"Lord, I need you to do this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this..."

Funny, but true.

I have been repeating that over and over again these past few days..."Lord, I trust you." It has done me wonders because I honestly don't know what to pray for...My mind is going too fast and I admit it that I have not spent enough time in prayer for the past week, but God knows our lives, He will find a way to reach us...not us reaching Him.

Don't you ever get tired of holding the reigns? You can't ask for help if you don't let go...

My faith is constantly tested, but yesterday, today and tomorrow I will trust Him. Do you?

Africa, here I come...hopefully I didn't forget to pack toothpaste...Oh well, "Lord, I trust you that I have packed my toothbrush!" :)

donations

Thank you to everyone who supported me with donations...I started packing it tonight and I hope I can fit everything!:)

I wanted to let you know what I will be bringing with me:

* Baby dolls - I have an awesome co-worker who gave me a lot of dolls and barbie dolls
* Toy cars - from same "awesome co-worker"
* Fabric totes - with lots of crafts to decorate them
* Crayons
* Notebook paper
* Construction paper
* Scissors
* Clothes
* Stickers - loads o' stickers


Thank you so much for all of your help...

On a serious note, please pray for me at this time in regards to finding a peace about going...I am so busy right now with moving, packing, and finding a place for my dog to stay that I feel lost and my heart isn't focused on preparing to go...

2 more days and counting! yay!

Much love,
Jen

We Can Change the World!

I opened up a book today and inside I found a drawing that my niece had drawn for me while I was in Michigan visiting last month. I remember watching her draw it while we waited for our food at a restaurant. Her mommy had given her a few crayons and some lined notebook paper and she made a masterpiece out of it.

Well, at least I thought it was a masterpiece.

I have purple eyes, a green nose, a red mouth, and orange hair. I also have little lines for arms and legs...it looks exactly like me! :)

I use this drawing as a bookmark because I love it. I love my niece. I love her innocence. She is a 3-year-old doing exactly what a 3-year-old should be doing. Living her life worry-free...

I looked at this drawing today and I couldn't help but think of the children in Africa. I can see pictures of them in my head of their little bodies ravaged by HIV or any other disease that has decided to plague them. I haven't even been to Africa yet, but I have, and you have, seen the pictures...it's horrible.

I remember someone telling me that it was very "commendable" for me to be going to Africa. I was immediately bothered by that word...commendable.

What does that mean?

Commendable.

I know what they meant, and it wasn't meant in a bad way at all, but I don't find what I'm doing commendable. It is something that I must do, that I already love doing (even though I haven't gone) and I don't for one minute think I'm giving up anything in my life in order to help people...human beings in dire need of assistance...our assistance.

This trip really isn't commendable...it's not a cause...I'm not a do-er of good deeds.

This is a real Emergency...they need our help.

There is so much need in this world and I really feel like we all can do a little bit more to help those in this world...even if it's your next door neighbor. It's so rewarding to give back and I think Proverbs 11:25 sums it up well:
"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes will himself be refreshed."

I feel refreshed...and I thank all of you for supporting me because you have supported them. I pray that all of you spread the word, support your neighbor, love others, donate your time volunteering, or support an organization that you find fantastic! People will benefit from you...you can impact the world!

Do you remember being little and thinking, "I wanna change the world!" Ha...I still believe that...

I leave in 4 days and I was worrying about being prepared spiritually...I felt like all my attention was on packing, moving out of my apartment, saying goodbye to Matt (who left for Afghanistan on Monday), etc. Then I opened up the book today and saw my niece's drawing...it was a perfect reminder that there are little children orphaned all over the world that deserve to draw a picture with a crayon and not have to worry...........

So, I will pack one more piece of paper and one more crayon...even if it impacts only one person...

The Mocha Club

$7 per month in Africa does the following:

* Feed one person for a month
* Educate 2 children for 1 school term
* Save 1 person's life from malaria
* Provide clean water to 7 Africans for 1 year

Pretty amazing to think about. This is where my $7 goes every month. I wanted to give you the opportunity to join the Mocha Club if you would like. I have talked about the Mocha Club, but I haven't given you enough information in order for you to find out how you can join.

If you join my team then your $7.00 a month goes toward Orphan Care. There are many other areas where your donations can go toward, but my heart lies with the orphans and making their lives better so that they can have fulfilling lives ahead of them. If you would like to join, please follow this link https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/team/6952

I am excited to be working with these orphans in a little less than 3 weeks and I, once again, thank you all for your prayers and support. You have made it possible for me to go!

Other news:
What will my team and I be doing while we are there?
We will be working with 200 orhpans in Addis Ababa and 270 orphans in Ambo (just outside of Addis Ababa). We have two events going on while we are there. One day we are going to put on a "Carnival Day" where we will have tables set up for face painting, making of balloon animals, painting/coloring, etc. Another day we will celebrating holidays. (I have been put in charge of brining Valentine supplies...Valentine's Day in July is the new thing..ha!) It is going to be great to have fun with these children and just let them be children - play, decorate, laugh, and have fun.

Thank you for the support with the donations. I am very excited to take pictures of the children with all of your donations...I will take pictures and be more than happy to post them for all of you to see and enjoy once I return!

Much love,
Jen

Walk in it

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21

I saw this verse today and I loved it...

I love how it states that I (or you, your next door neighbor, whoever) will hear a voice from behind. He knows we will make mistakes and stumble and fall, but he is right behind us to pick us up.Wow! Think about it. Think about it some more. What is God saying??

My thinking process of this verse:

I am amazed that God is letting us walk in front of Him...He shines a light on our path and He lets us be in front. He guides us and speaks to us through our hearts. He has put the truth in our hearts and we must find what we love and listen to our inner voice and go with it. He will let us know if we are doing right in every area of our life.

God has put His desires in our heart and allows us to find "it" (our desires) and walk in front of Him = "And your ears shall hear a word behind you"
He guides us and speaks to us through our hearts and we must listen to this inner voice = "This is the way, walk in it"
Every area of our life = "when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left"

The Bible really is living. If I had read this verse a year ago, it would not have impacted me quite like it did today. I love to find more meaning in life...in every little thing...with people, with bible verses, with a walk in a park, or when having a conversation with someone. I know, at times, I can probably annoy the poo right out of my boyfriend in particular, but sometimes it needs to be done. My findings, when I disect the inner workings of myself, are a reality of how simple it all really is:
I must never stop learning and never stop growing! I truly believe the more you search yourselves to find who you really are the more you will realize you are much more than just average or normal. I believe you have to trust yourself and that inner voice to become who you really are.
Maybe I could change the verse to:
"This is your own unique way that I made for you, walk in it."

Short-Term Vs. Long-Term? That is the Question.

I'm currently searching online for a "stuffable rain jacket". If you read my last post, then you know that I am going to have to be a savvy traveler when it comes to packing; can't waste space. I suppose anything "stuffable" will work...hmmm...maybe I'll search for stuffable shoes, crayons, paper, clothing...ha! Anyways, we are nearing the departure date (July 1st) and I still can't believe it's coming up so quickly. Before I know it, the trip will already have come and gone and then what??...Then...what???...

Great question...
Then...what?

If you've been reading my blogs or have been talking to me personally then you understand where my heart is. My heart is everywhere but in the place I am in the most...my job that I currently have. I feel a real pull to serve and not just on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of going to Ethiopia, but really serve. I am not going to do anything drastic and quit my job and move to Tibet, but this pull on my heart definitely has me thinking. I am thinking about long-term after this short-term. How many times in my life, or in your life, have we been impacted by something short-term or short-lived, but failed to make it impact our lives long-term? I have done this numerous times and I am finally waking up. I am waking up to the fact that we, or I, have to follow what interests us. The "thing" that keeps us going and makes us go, "wow, I really feel a peace within." So with that, I ask for your prayers right now. I am asking for clarity on the big picture. Where does the path lead after July 15th when I return to Tucson, AZ? Please pray that I am pointed in the right direction and that my vision not be clouded by my own wants or desires.

The quest for the "stuffable rain jacket" must go on. Before I end this short blog, I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of those who have supported me with donations and prayers in the recent weeks. I would love to shout out names to make it more personal, but that may be awkward...I will just have to call you up and write you letters...thank you, thank you, thank you!

Much love,
Jen

Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

"25-year-old seeking a new life to replace her dull, stale, and boring current state of living."

If there was a neon sign flashing above my head one year ago, that is what it would have read. My headline was pathetic, don't ya think??

I moved to Tucson right after my 25th birthday. I moved to H-O-T Tucson in the middle of the summer. I then cut my thumb wide open and had to have surgery to repair my thumb. My left hand was immobilzed for 1 month and physical therpay for 3 months. I still didn't care for my job. Beyond all of that, my attitude was disgusting.

I was a pretty depressing person to be around and I thank God for my family, friends, and my boyfriend that stuck by me through it all. I also thank God. I thank him for breaking me down to a point that I needed Him. I broke and in my weakness I found God's strength.

It's so important to reach that point at certain times of our life. It's important to face every situation with humility in order for God's grace to guide us through. However, I had, for so long, left God out of the picture and tried to do everything on my own. I didn't want God to take the reigns because I was so scared to fall, to be humiliated. I wasn't letting God in; His grace...therefore I kept slipping further and further. No, actually I felt "stuck".
Here's my image of how I felt:
Picture me on a tight rope and I'm stuck half-way. I am too scared to go back where I came from, and I'm too scared to go forward. I am just standing in the middle...stuck.
The second part of the image is what I continue to fail to realize and that is God's presence. I have a pack on my back which is a parachute (in case I fall) and an umbrella to help me balance (and in case I fall)...the best part of the whole thing is that this "tight rope of life" is only 2 feet off the ground...2 feet!!!! So, even if I were to fall flat on my face in life, it won't be for long.

Isn't this how life is, though? We continue to feel like God has to come and save us. Like he wasn't there all along. I know that I struggle with understanding that He is with me...always. I need to call out for his strength often and ask for His help and His guidance.

So, I did that. I called out for His strength. I was miserable and I just gave it up one day. I was sick of trying to cross the tight rope. I was exhausted and was looking for a break. I remember praying one night about it and just dumping "it" onto God's lap. "Here you go...I can't handle it anymore."

It was amazing...I felt amazing. A burden had been lifted and I had so many more doors open for me, all because I asked.

Just give it up and ask.

My life isn't perfect or seen through rose colored glasses. But it's free. I'm not stuck.

I didn't receive a new life, like I was hoping for a year ago. No one can get a new life, but we must receive the one that we have been dealt and continue to search ourselves and ask for His guidance. Through Him and His love, we will find who we really are and in Him lies true contentment.

My new headline..1 year later:

"26-year-old seeking God's love who makes her feel alive."

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.