My Purpose

The time between this blog and the last is a little embarassing. You would assume that having a life altering event occur in my life would stir up so much emotion that I would just have to write about it. However, it's been so life-changing that I can't even do much these days (besides work), which brings me to my next point: what am I do with my life?

I work for Target - that big national retailer that is usually in everyone's hometown with the big alluring bullseye that seems to draw millions of people to walk through its doors each day. It is often referred to as "the place I love to shop! I love it there!", by my friends or acquaintances when I tell people where I work. My usual response is, "yes, it's a fun place."

What am I talking about?!

I really don't think Target is "fun". I used to.

I used to love my job...l-o-v-e my job...I can't say that now, nor have I been able to say that for the past two years, however, the past two months have been the most difficult for me to walk into my job every day.

The other morning, before the store opened, I was walking the store and I passed the end of an aisle that was full of High School Musical Barbies and I was literally disgusted - sick to my stomache. I asked myself, "what am I doing here?!"

Please don't misunderstand me, Target does some great things for the community, and they sell a lot of "necessary items", but my heart isn't in Target and since coming back from Africa, It's been very difficult to go to a job that really is all about "revenue" (and sells High School Musical Barbies):)

All this ranting and raving isn't going to do much, I understand, however, I am feeling this way because my heart isn't in Target - I am not fulfilling my purpose.

I believe so many of us believe that life is like this - we go to jobs we actually "hate" and go through the motions because it's just a job, and we are ok with this.

Why?

I believe it's our scapegoat to not accepting all that God has designed us to be.

I was emailing one of my team mates from Africa last month and we were going back and forth about our situations at work and in one of his emails I could tell that he really wanted to move to Africa, but that it isn't practical because he has a daughter, but even if he doesn't go to Africa, he stated he really didn't want to work at the same job anymore.

I believe in him - I believe that there is more to his life than what he is doing - I believe this because he admitted it - he is feeling "it" - it being something more out there.

But what is he doing about it?

What am I doing about it?

I think I still put on the red and khaki every day because just leaving my job isn't practical. I've been battling with this "being practical" thing for a while now. I find it so ironic when all I read in the bible are people that were the complete opposite - John the Baptist, Moses, King Jehu, Abraham, and the list goes on. But we know they were following God and never say "geez, that sure wasn't practical for Moses to leave". We don't say this because they were standing up and moving toward something greater than themselves - God!

This is the battle I fight today - I almost quit my job one week ago. I literally, just about put my two week notice in with no other job lined up. I didn't do it because I was too scared to. Too scared to step out of the boat - too scared to trust that God has everything under control.

I have been in a comfortable spot for too long and I believe that I let my job give me a false sense of security with money, my development with the company, my savings, etc. But, as you can tell, it's given me nothing because I am still unhappy.

As I sit here on the couch drinking a cup o' joe, I can't help but think that the people in Ethiopia that I met along the way seem to be in a better place than I am in right now. Sometimes to have less is to have more...

So, this is where I am at right now. This trip to Africa has really thrown me for a loop and right now I am asking you for your prayers that I may be blessed with the knowledge of knowing the things that my Father has called me to do and that I will be able to carry out God's work with honor, peace and joy.

I pray for you as well...I pray that you will be blessed with the knowledge of your purpose and that you will be everything that God designed you to be...