"25-year-old seeking a new life to replace her dull, stale, and boring current state of living."
If there was a neon sign flashing above my head one year ago, that is what it would have read. My headline was pathetic, don't ya think??
I moved to Tucson right after my 25th birthday. I moved to H-O-T Tucson in the middle of the summer. I then cut my thumb wide open and had to have surgery to repair my thumb. My left hand was immobilzed for 1 month and physical therpay for 3 months. I still didn't care for my job. Beyond all of that, my attitude was disgusting.
I was a pretty depressing person to be around and I thank God for my family, friends, and my boyfriend that stuck by me through it all. I also thank God. I thank him for breaking me down to a point that I needed Him. I broke and in my weakness I found God's strength.
It's so important to reach that point at certain times of our life. It's important to face every situation with humility in order for God's grace to guide us through. However, I had, for so long, left God out of the picture and tried to do everything on my own. I didn't want God to take the reigns because I was so scared to fall, to be humiliated. I wasn't letting God in; His grace...therefore I kept slipping further and further. No, actually I felt "stuck".
Here's my image of how I felt:
Picture me on a tight rope and I'm stuck half-way. I am too scared to go back where I came from, and I'm too scared to go forward. I am just standing in the middle...stuck.
The second part of the image is what I continue to fail to realize and that is God's presence. I have a pack on my back which is a parachute (in case I fall) and an umbrella to help me balance (and in case I fall)...the best part of the whole thing is that this "tight rope of life" is only 2 feet off the ground...2 feet!!!! So, even if I were to fall flat on my face in life, it won't be for long.
Isn't this how life is, though? We continue to feel like God has to come and save us. Like he wasn't there all along. I know that I struggle with understanding that He is with me...always. I need to call out for his strength often and ask for His help and His guidance.
So, I did that. I called out for His strength. I was miserable and I just gave it up one day. I was sick of trying to cross the tight rope. I was exhausted and was looking for a break. I remember praying one night about it and just dumping "it" onto God's lap. "Here you go...I can't handle it anymore."
It was amazing...I felt amazing. A burden had been lifted and I had so many more doors open for me, all because I asked.
Just give it up and ask.
My life isn't perfect or seen through rose colored glasses. But it's free. I'm not stuck.
I didn't receive a new life, like I was hoping for a year ago. No one can get a new life, but we must receive the one that we have been dealt and continue to search ourselves and ask for His guidance. Through Him and His love, we will find who we really are and in Him lies true contentment.
My new headline..1 year later:
"26-year-old seeking God's love who makes her feel alive."
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Plain and Simple
This week I have been thinking back to my interview over the phone with Geoffrey (mission leader) this past January. Geoffrey was asking me pretty routine questions and I will never forget how I
felt when he asked me, "why do you want to go on a mission trip?"
What a great question, right? Why...why...???
My response:
"Wow! What a great question (ha...I really said that...I'm a dork). Well, I've been searching for trips to Africa for the past 4 months and every search came up fruitless, until I received an email from you in December. I haven't had this raw desire to go on a mission trip, well, not at least like this. This desire is not only in missions, but in talking to every homeless person I pass or to volunteer here in Tucson. My life, for the past 3 years, has been work, my job. I feel most like myself lately, or I feel closest to God, when I am giving and loving others. God is changing my heart, I feel it, and going to Africa would only be a reflection of this change in my heart."
This past week has been difficult for me.
I haven't been praying for my trip to Africa...I don't know what to talk to God about.
I have too many expectations.
I have to continue to do a daily check to make sure my intentions are true. However, like I said, I haven't done that because I've been thinking about what it's going to be like during my mission.
Please pray that my intentions are to be after God's heart...that I have the heart to serve.
I don't want to have expectations of this trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking from the weight of my own world...my own expectations...I feel like I'm disconnected from the trip...I have left God out and have put my own intentions into play...
What were my intentions when I interviewed in January? I wanted to love others, to show God's love...nothing more...raw...pure...honest...
That is why a daily check of what my intentions are is imperative. I don't want to be going in blind, but I want my motive to still be as simple in July when I leave as it was in January when I was interviewing with Geoffrey.
It's plain and simple...I want to serve others. Why then, if I say it's so "plain and simple", does it seem to be so "obscure and complicated?"
felt when he asked me, "why do you want to go on a mission trip?"
What a great question, right? Why...why...???
My response:
"Wow! What a great question (ha...I really said that...I'm a dork). Well, I've been searching for trips to Africa for the past 4 months and every search came up fruitless, until I received an email from you in December. I haven't had this raw desire to go on a mission trip, well, not at least like this. This desire is not only in missions, but in talking to every homeless person I pass or to volunteer here in Tucson. My life, for the past 3 years, has been work, my job. I feel most like myself lately, or I feel closest to God, when I am giving and loving others. God is changing my heart, I feel it, and going to Africa would only be a reflection of this change in my heart."
This past week has been difficult for me.
I haven't been praying for my trip to Africa...I don't know what to talk to God about.
I have too many expectations.
I have to continue to do a daily check to make sure my intentions are true. However, like I said, I haven't done that because I've been thinking about what it's going to be like during my mission.
Please pray that my intentions are to be after God's heart...that I have the heart to serve.
I don't want to have expectations of this trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking from the weight of my own world...my own expectations...I feel like I'm disconnected from the trip...I have left God out and have put my own intentions into play...
What were my intentions when I interviewed in January? I wanted to love others, to show God's love...nothing more...raw...pure...honest...
That is why a daily check of what my intentions are is imperative. I don't want to be going in blind, but I want my motive to still be as simple in July when I leave as it was in January when I was interviewing with Geoffrey.
It's plain and simple...I want to serve others. Why then, if I say it's so "plain and simple", does it seem to be so "obscure and complicated?"
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Christ of Hope
I spoke with my grandparents on the phone today. They are some of the strongest people I know...the funniest...the most positive...the most encouraging...and the list goes on. I consider them to be "hip" and if you ever get the chance to meet them, then consider yourself to be lucky!:)
However, today it wasn't all laughs and smart a$$ comments that we all like to make with one another. My grandparents talked about my grandma's niece who is only 10 years younger than my grandma and the fact that her niece is dying from liver cancer. My heart went out to them both and to her niece....My grandma posed the question that we always seem to ask, "how can this happen to such a good person?" or the question that I have asked at times, "how can God let this happen?" I don't have any answers...I don't know why He lets certain things happen to people and not to others...
I feel this same way when I think of Africa. How can such a huge injustice go unnoticed by so many? There is so much in this world that doesn't make sense. Yet, that is why I call it the "world"...this isn't heaven and everything isn't perfect or holy...not yet, at least.
The people of Africa will be "holy" either in this lifetime or in heaven. My grandma's niece (who she says is just like a sister to her) will be made perfect by God. God has a way of blinding the darkness by just being who He is. There will be pain and grief, but keeping our hope in Christ always seems to get us through even when we don't feel like we can make it through...his grace carries us through. Our weaknesses allow God to be strong.
I love my grandma. I love my grandpa. I love music as well.
After I got off the phone with them, a song came to mind by Michelle Tumes. I love her voice and her lyrics are very inspirational. This song is dedicated to their niece and also to the children of Africa...I have hope in Christ that one day all of life will one day make sense...
As I travel far from kinships
As I wander far from home
May He grace you with His favor
And breathe the fragrance of His love
May His angels watch and keep you
As you slumber through the night
The gentle hand of God will touch you
As He wakes you with the morning light
May He bring you hope
Hope you've never never known
May the Christ of hope
Embrace you evermore
However, today it wasn't all laughs and smart a$$ comments that we all like to make with one another. My grandparents talked about my grandma's niece who is only 10 years younger than my grandma and the fact that her niece is dying from liver cancer. My heart went out to them both and to her niece....My grandma posed the question that we always seem to ask, "how can this happen to such a good person?" or the question that I have asked at times, "how can God let this happen?" I don't have any answers...I don't know why He lets certain things happen to people and not to others...
I feel this same way when I think of Africa. How can such a huge injustice go unnoticed by so many? There is so much in this world that doesn't make sense. Yet, that is why I call it the "world"...this isn't heaven and everything isn't perfect or holy...not yet, at least.
The people of Africa will be "holy" either in this lifetime or in heaven. My grandma's niece (who she says is just like a sister to her) will be made perfect by God. God has a way of blinding the darkness by just being who He is. There will be pain and grief, but keeping our hope in Christ always seems to get us through even when we don't feel like we can make it through...his grace carries us through. Our weaknesses allow God to be strong.
I love my grandma. I love my grandpa. I love music as well.
After I got off the phone with them, a song came to mind by Michelle Tumes. I love her voice and her lyrics are very inspirational. This song is dedicated to their niece and also to the children of Africa...I have hope in Christ that one day all of life will one day make sense...
As I travel far from kinships
As I wander far from home
May He grace you with His favor
And breathe the fragrance of His love
May His angels watch and keep you
As you slumber through the night
The gentle hand of God will touch you
As He wakes you with the morning light
May He bring you hope
Hope you've never never known
May the Christ of hope
Embrace you evermore
Monday, May 12, 2008
Titles do matter
"Acting as commander while Major O'Rourke is deployed is Captain Matt Komatsu and his date, Jennifer."
This is how I was introduced this past weekend at Matt's Rescue Squadron's Ball. I was Matt's "date"...like some girl that he had just met through his friend "so-and-so" and he decided to take me as his lucky girl to the Rescue Ball. Ha! :) The truth is that I am Matt's girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I moved down here to Tucson because of him. I have been there for him while he was finishing up his training to become a Combat Rescue Officer. I spent countless hours on the phone crying, laughing, talking, etc. I know what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, what kind of food he likes, how he never clips his toe nails until I tell him to. He loves strong coffee with cream and sugar. He loves the mountains and snow more than anything. He could go on and on about his two sisters and he thinks the world of his parents. He has supported me more than I give him credit for and the list goes on. I love him more than anything and I felt completely disrespected by the title of "date" as we were announced into the ball this past weekend. The word "date" seemed to diminish everything I felt for him and he for me. Beyond that, this title diminished who I really am to Matt to everyone who attended the ball and heard me announced...you see, titles do matter. However, we must be careful how we think about people once they have been labeled...our judgments aren't always true and can be very innacurate.
What do you think when you hear "date?" Do you react differently when you hear "girlfriend", "fiance",or "wife"? What if I were to say the word(s), "Christian"..."mission trip"..."Christian Organization"...what comes to mind when you hear/see these words?? Are you turned off by these words or do you find yourself relating to them? Think about it for just a few moments....
What is a Christian?
I am a Christian. I mean, I consider myself to be one. I love the Lord and I try to be like him every day...I stress "try". I never want to stop growing as a person who has a lot to learn in this life...God opens my eyes to how hard my heart is towards people, myself, and the world in general. God is love...to be a Christian is to love others and yourself...period. I don't like to claim that I am a Christian...I would rather just "show" how I am a Christian...just be "it"!
What is a mission trip?
I am going on a "mission trip". It is a trip and there is a mission (to visit orphaned chilrden of Ethiopia)...hence mission trip. But do you get this picture in your mind of a bunch of crazy people going over to a country and just thumping on a bible proclaiming God's word to deaf ears? Well, that isn't this kind of trip...God is big enough, do I really need to be loud?? He will use me however he seems appropriate and I trust that. However, please do not assume you know what is going to happen while I'm there...even I don't know that!
What is a "Christian Organization?"
Why label anything a "Christian Organization"...doesn't that seem to limit the span of what God can do in a secular world?? I go on this trip with an organization that aligns their beliefs with the beliefs of what God teaches us...to love others and to refresh those around us. If that makes an organization "Christian", then so be it.
Titles are important because they give us a brief snapshot of what/who people are. However, we have to be very careful with what we do with that information. Do we label people quickly because of titles? Do we judge because of titles? Do we treat people differently because of titles? Yes, we do...I do...I have. I think what is more imporant is to see how people live...that is really who they are.
Therefore, if you were to ask me who I am and why I'm going to Africa, I would much rather say this:
"Hi, my name is Jen (girlfriend to Matty K..ha) and I desperately want to go to Africa to love children that I have never met. My heart yearns to meet them, to show them that I will not forget them and that I will tell everyone that I possibly can about their story. I am going with an organization who believes in these children and who understands, logistically and spiritually, what it takes to get over there to reach these children. I don't fully understand this desire, but it's like anything else in life, when you want something and you know it's right and true, you don't walk away...You do things in life that make you happy and better the world.
That is me in a nutshell..it is me without titles...the real me
But we must defend ourself in a way to the world..."I'm his wife, I'm the CEO, I'm the boss, I'm his owner, I'm in charge, I'm a Christian, I'm an Atheist", etc...titles only allow us to judge and that is what I must do a lot less of...judge others. So, I pray today that we all remember to just look at people as people...leave the titles at the door tomorrow. Could you do that? If you were stripped of your "title(s)" who would you be today??
Much love,
Jen
This is how I was introduced this past weekend at Matt's Rescue Squadron's Ball. I was Matt's "date"...like some girl that he had just met through his friend "so-and-so" and he decided to take me as his lucky girl to the Rescue Ball. Ha! :) The truth is that I am Matt's girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I moved down here to Tucson because of him. I have been there for him while he was finishing up his training to become a Combat Rescue Officer. I spent countless hours on the phone crying, laughing, talking, etc. I know what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, what kind of food he likes, how he never clips his toe nails until I tell him to. He loves strong coffee with cream and sugar. He loves the mountains and snow more than anything. He could go on and on about his two sisters and he thinks the world of his parents. He has supported me more than I give him credit for and the list goes on. I love him more than anything and I felt completely disrespected by the title of "date" as we were announced into the ball this past weekend. The word "date" seemed to diminish everything I felt for him and he for me. Beyond that, this title diminished who I really am to Matt to everyone who attended the ball and heard me announced...you see, titles do matter. However, we must be careful how we think about people once they have been labeled...our judgments aren't always true and can be very innacurate.
What do you think when you hear "date?" Do you react differently when you hear "girlfriend", "fiance",or "wife"? What if I were to say the word(s), "Christian"..."mission trip"..."Christian Organization"...what comes to mind when you hear/see these words?? Are you turned off by these words or do you find yourself relating to them? Think about it for just a few moments....
What is a Christian?
I am a Christian. I mean, I consider myself to be one. I love the Lord and I try to be like him every day...I stress "try". I never want to stop growing as a person who has a lot to learn in this life...God opens my eyes to how hard my heart is towards people, myself, and the world in general. God is love...to be a Christian is to love others and yourself...period. I don't like to claim that I am a Christian...I would rather just "show" how I am a Christian...just be "it"!
What is a mission trip?
I am going on a "mission trip". It is a trip and there is a mission (to visit orphaned chilrden of Ethiopia)...hence mission trip. But do you get this picture in your mind of a bunch of crazy people going over to a country and just thumping on a bible proclaiming God's word to deaf ears? Well, that isn't this kind of trip...God is big enough, do I really need to be loud?? He will use me however he seems appropriate and I trust that. However, please do not assume you know what is going to happen while I'm there...even I don't know that!
What is a "Christian Organization?"
Why label anything a "Christian Organization"...doesn't that seem to limit the span of what God can do in a secular world?? I go on this trip with an organization that aligns their beliefs with the beliefs of what God teaches us...to love others and to refresh those around us. If that makes an organization "Christian", then so be it.
Titles are important because they give us a brief snapshot of what/who people are. However, we have to be very careful with what we do with that information. Do we label people quickly because of titles? Do we judge because of titles? Do we treat people differently because of titles? Yes, we do...I do...I have. I think what is more imporant is to see how people live...that is really who they are.
Therefore, if you were to ask me who I am and why I'm going to Africa, I would much rather say this:
"Hi, my name is Jen (girlfriend to Matty K..ha) and I desperately want to go to Africa to love children that I have never met. My heart yearns to meet them, to show them that I will not forget them and that I will tell everyone that I possibly can about their story. I am going with an organization who believes in these children and who understands, logistically and spiritually, what it takes to get over there to reach these children. I don't fully understand this desire, but it's like anything else in life, when you want something and you know it's right and true, you don't walk away...You do things in life that make you happy and better the world.
That is me in a nutshell..it is me without titles...the real me
But we must defend ourself in a way to the world..."I'm his wife, I'm the CEO, I'm the boss, I'm his owner, I'm in charge, I'm a Christian, I'm an Atheist", etc...titles only allow us to judge and that is what I must do a lot less of...judge others. So, I pray today that we all remember to just look at people as people...leave the titles at the door tomorrow. Could you do that? If you were stripped of your "title(s)" who would you be today??
Much love,
Jen
Thursday, May 8, 2008
These are a few of my favorite things...
I was driving around town the other day and I started to think of Michigan and a wave of nostalgia washed over me. I miss the smell of Lake Michigan on one of those cold and dreary days when the waves are pounding the shore. I miss walking into my parent's home when my mom is cooking a stew, with buns, and possibly dessert (yes, please!!). I miss spring when everything is starting to turn green and there are flowers every where. Nostalgia...it's a love/hate relationship. I love the memories, the smells, the feeling. I hate the empty and lonely feeling that comes with it as well. I was pining for familiarities when it hit me that sooner or later, I will be doing this about Tucson...perhaps not to the same degree that I do about my family and Michigan, but I will miss it here once I'm gone.
I was driving North and the Catalinas were staring right back at me as the sun was setting to the west. The sun paints the Catalinas a pink that is so amazing I can't take my eyes off of them...I must remember to look...at...the...road. :) I know that I will miss this when I'm gone. As I continue my drive around town, I realize how much I have "slammed" this place.
The slams:
I hate the lack of good restaurants (it's like a hunt for a treasure around here...geez), the terrible sprawl of Tucson and why there is no freeway that is built that runs east/west. The summer is unbearable, the brown landscape can get downright depressing and why must EVERYTHING be built in a strip mall??? I could go on...but I am stopped by the things I do enjoy about it here.
A few of my favorite things:
Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles...ok just kidding! For real though...
I know of the best, cheapest, and most authentic sushi place in town. Matt and I have dinner there once/week since June of last year. They even let us customize our miso soup.
I have a great place that I can wash Rider at called Dirty Dawgs. The owner is great and her place is awesome...I don't think Rider loves it there as much, but he always looks like such a stud once we leave.
I know where the best pastry place is in town and their jalepeno bread is great toasted.
I can take Rider for a walk/run on the riverwalk right outside my apartment and he can always chase the rabbits and praire dogs that line the sidewalk
The sunsets are amazing...nothing more to be said
Mt. Lemmon is the best place to get away
I am only 5 hours from the Grand Canyon...it is amazing
The Plaza...the best wine/beer selection and the friendliest employees. I have only been here once, but it is my new favorite place. (Think of Fortino's for those who live in Grand Haven/Spring Lake)
There is a silly pizza place that has great pizza/pasta with a Greek fellow who plays the accordian. Please don't get him talking because he will go on about the Greeks...think of the Dad on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." That is this man!
I will miss the sound of the morning doves outside my window every morning
I will miss the live music that plays at the two greatest restaurants in town that are across from my apartment. I have a show every night for free!
I will miss the old guy that lives at my apartment complex and always asks about Matt and I (when are we getting married, but he will never come out and say it...instead it will be more like this, "you two still aren't connected, huh?")Ha..to top it off he will give Rider a treat for fun.
I will miss the maintenance guy who waves at me every day and says hello. I wave back and smile, even though I am irritated that his music is playing too loud in his shed which is joined to my apartment.:)
I will miss the monsoon season...wow, it is amazing!
I will miss Club Congress and the Rialto theatre where some of my favorite musicians have come through to play
I will miss going to the Corner Cafe and listening to old school country on Wednesdays. The menu even has a "Big A$$ bowl of Captain Crunch" for $2.00 - exactly how it is on the menu...makes me laugh every time
I suppose I could go on, but I will stop...
If you have made it through my blog, good for you. This blog is more for me...to remind me to enjoy the here and now because sooner or later it will be gone. The smells, the landscape, the food, the people...sometimes we have to slow down and find the good in any situation (or in my case, where I live). It's about wanting what we have...not what we haven't got.
I look forward to Africa, but I hope that I enjoy the life that I am living TODAY just as much as the days ahead that I look forward to...or in the days that are long past that make me feel nostalgic.
What do you love about your day...right now???
Much love,
Jen
I was driving North and the Catalinas were staring right back at me as the sun was setting to the west. The sun paints the Catalinas a pink that is so amazing I can't take my eyes off of them...I must remember to look...at...the...road. :) I know that I will miss this when I'm gone. As I continue my drive around town, I realize how much I have "slammed" this place.
The slams:
I hate the lack of good restaurants (it's like a hunt for a treasure around here...geez), the terrible sprawl of Tucson and why there is no freeway that is built that runs east/west. The summer is unbearable, the brown landscape can get downright depressing and why must EVERYTHING be built in a strip mall??? I could go on...but I am stopped by the things I do enjoy about it here.
A few of my favorite things:
Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles...ok just kidding! For real though...
I know of the best, cheapest, and most authentic sushi place in town. Matt and I have dinner there once/week since June of last year. They even let us customize our miso soup.
I have a great place that I can wash Rider at called Dirty Dawgs. The owner is great and her place is awesome...I don't think Rider loves it there as much, but he always looks like such a stud once we leave.
I know where the best pastry place is in town and their jalepeno bread is great toasted.
I can take Rider for a walk/run on the riverwalk right outside my apartment and he can always chase the rabbits and praire dogs that line the sidewalk
The sunsets are amazing...nothing more to be said
Mt. Lemmon is the best place to get away
I am only 5 hours from the Grand Canyon...it is amazing
The Plaza...the best wine/beer selection and the friendliest employees. I have only been here once, but it is my new favorite place. (Think of Fortino's for those who live in Grand Haven/Spring Lake)
There is a silly pizza place that has great pizza/pasta with a Greek fellow who plays the accordian. Please don't get him talking because he will go on about the Greeks...think of the Dad on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." That is this man!
I will miss the sound of the morning doves outside my window every morning
I will miss the live music that plays at the two greatest restaurants in town that are across from my apartment. I have a show every night for free!
I will miss the old guy that lives at my apartment complex and always asks about Matt and I (when are we getting married, but he will never come out and say it...instead it will be more like this, "you two still aren't connected, huh?")Ha..to top it off he will give Rider a treat for fun.
I will miss the maintenance guy who waves at me every day and says hello. I wave back and smile, even though I am irritated that his music is playing too loud in his shed which is joined to my apartment.:)
I will miss the monsoon season...wow, it is amazing!
I will miss Club Congress and the Rialto theatre where some of my favorite musicians have come through to play
I will miss going to the Corner Cafe and listening to old school country on Wednesdays. The menu even has a "Big A$$ bowl of Captain Crunch" for $2.00 - exactly how it is on the menu...makes me laugh every time
I suppose I could go on, but I will stop...
If you have made it through my blog, good for you. This blog is more for me...to remind me to enjoy the here and now because sooner or later it will be gone. The smells, the landscape, the food, the people...sometimes we have to slow down and find the good in any situation (or in my case, where I live). It's about wanting what we have...not what we haven't got.
I look forward to Africa, but I hope that I enjoy the life that I am living TODAY just as much as the days ahead that I look forward to...or in the days that are long past that make me feel nostalgic.
What do you love about your day...right now???
Much love,
Jen
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Update...or...dateup...or...up to the date...:)
I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me. It has meant a lot to me...thank you, thank you!
I will definitely be giving a lot of you phone calls in the next few weeks, but I figured this blog can be used to give you a quick look on where I stand with the financials of this trip.
Total cost: $3150
Your support: $1000...exactly :)
And it continues to come in...it wasn't expected at all, but that is my lesson learned..."trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding."
Thank you!!
This month I'm getting all my shots/immunizations. Oh joy...
Spiritually I am learning more about myself every day. I ask for your prayers at this time. I pray for my heart to continue to be worked on and be prepared to "serve".
I have to keep myself in check every day in regards to this. I ask myself, "why am I going?" and I have to keep my motives pure and selfless.
Well, not much else to say. It's going to be another warm day in Tucson. It was supposed to rain yesterday and I was so excited when I was driving home from work because there were clouds in the sky. I haven't seen clouds in months! I love rain and I live in the desert...things that make you go "hmmmm"....
Much love,
Jen
I will definitely be giving a lot of you phone calls in the next few weeks, but I figured this blog can be used to give you a quick look on where I stand with the financials of this trip.
Total cost: $3150
Your support: $1000...exactly :)
And it continues to come in...it wasn't expected at all, but that is my lesson learned..."trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding."
Thank you!!
This month I'm getting all my shots/immunizations. Oh joy...
Spiritually I am learning more about myself every day. I ask for your prayers at this time. I pray for my heart to continue to be worked on and be prepared to "serve".
I have to keep myself in check every day in regards to this. I ask myself, "why am I going?" and I have to keep my motives pure and selfless.
Well, not much else to say. It's going to be another warm day in Tucson. It was supposed to rain yesterday and I was so excited when I was driving home from work because there were clouds in the sky. I haven't seen clouds in months! I love rain and I live in the desert...things that make you go "hmmmm"....
Much love,
Jen
Monday, May 5, 2008
Casper the Friendly Ghost
Invisible
We feel like that often, don't we?
I do
I feel invisible...
No one cares...
If they would just acknowledge my presence...
If they would just acknowledge the "going ons" of my life...
If they would just follow up with a simple question like, "how is your dad doing?"
Blah, blah, blah
Someone I work closely with said outloud one day in a joking way, "What am I? Invisible?!"
I wanted to say, "no you're not."
We went out tonight to celebrate her birthday two weeks late. I want her to know that I see her.
Africa has opened my eyes to, well, Africa, but to the people around me right here, right now in Tucson, AZ. We all feel like Casper the Ghost once in a while, but it is our responsibility, or at least mine, to let those people around me know that I "see" them. And it is also my responsibility to visit the children of Africa in Ethiopia to let them know that they are not invisible. I won't do anything to "save" them while I'm over there. I go there because I can't pretend that they aren't there...I have to let them know, by just my presence, that they aren't invisible and that God sees them and has not forgotten.
I wear a bracelet that is made by the people of Uganada. It is a reminder of the "Invisible Children" that have been orphaned by war/disease in Uganada. I wear it for them, but I also wear it as a reminder for me to slow down...talk to people..let God's light shine through my life and shine down on them! There is nothing more awesome feeling than when you feel the eyes of God on you...don't ya think?!
We feel like that often, don't we?
I do
I feel invisible...
No one cares...
If they would just acknowledge my presence...
If they would just acknowledge the "going ons" of my life...
If they would just follow up with a simple question like, "how is your dad doing?"
Blah, blah, blah
Someone I work closely with said outloud one day in a joking way, "What am I? Invisible?!"
I wanted to say, "no you're not."
We went out tonight to celebrate her birthday two weeks late. I want her to know that I see her.
Africa has opened my eyes to, well, Africa, but to the people around me right here, right now in Tucson, AZ. We all feel like Casper the Ghost once in a while, but it is our responsibility, or at least mine, to let those people around me know that I "see" them. And it is also my responsibility to visit the children of Africa in Ethiopia to let them know that they are not invisible. I won't do anything to "save" them while I'm over there. I go there because I can't pretend that they aren't there...I have to let them know, by just my presence, that they aren't invisible and that God sees them and has not forgotten.
I wear a bracelet that is made by the people of Uganada. It is a reminder of the "Invisible Children" that have been orphaned by war/disease in Uganada. I wear it for them, but I also wear it as a reminder for me to slow down...talk to people..let God's light shine through my life and shine down on them! There is nothing more awesome feeling than when you feel the eyes of God on you...don't ya think?!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Be Bold in Love
I just got done checking out the website www.twloha.com (Stands for "to write love on her arms") Please check it out (after reading my blog, of course!) :)
I won't tell you much about the website, but it is truly amazing what a small group of people are doing. However, I read this on the website and it is beautiful:
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
I can't make this statement any more beautiful than it already is.
What I seem to struggle with is how I incorporate this in to my life every...single...day...of...my...life. Wait, every...single...moment in...my...life. Do you know what I'm talking about? How I can love more at certain times, but not all the time?
For instance, there is a woman that I work with and my heart breaks for her. I saw her today and I wanted to put my arms around her and let her know that I care. However, legalities or being "politically correct" keep me and her separate. I look like a stiff, rigid supervisor to her and I feel like I'm letting her down. How can I be going to Africa, yet I can't even love the people that are right in front of me? I have been struggling with this for the past few weeks and I have been asking God to speak for me and to show his love through me. I woke up the other morning (after another night of "off and on" sleep because of this exact feeling of not being able to reach these people) and the word "listen" was the first thing that came to mind.
I don't listen enough. I didn't write on this blog for a week because of this reason...sometimes, nothing needs to be said/written. I'm going to work on this. I am going to slow down (remember a previous blog I posted, "Peace Stealers", and I wrote that I am a fast-paced-individual) and I am going to listen. I am going to listen to those around me, I am going to be still and listen to God, I am going to listen to my parents more (for you, Mom and Dad), I am going to listen more than I talk.
If I am unable to reach out to this coworker, then it has been a lie I have told myself. I can reach out to them. I can pray, I can listen, and I can show her God's love through me. Like the quote from twloha.com, "we were made to be lovers bold in broken places"...then I must be bold...I must listen...I must show love.
Slow down today...listen...be bold...love someone.
Don Miller says (Author of Blue Like Jazz), "we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding." Wouldn't it be amazing if we all did that? We reached out to everyone and before we offer advice, judge, etc...we listen.
I won't tell you much about the website, but it is truly amazing what a small group of people are doing. However, I read this on the website and it is beautiful:
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
I can't make this statement any more beautiful than it already is.
What I seem to struggle with is how I incorporate this in to my life every...single...day...of...my...life. Wait, every...single...moment in...my...life. Do you know what I'm talking about? How I can love more at certain times, but not all the time?
For instance, there is a woman that I work with and my heart breaks for her. I saw her today and I wanted to put my arms around her and let her know that I care. However, legalities or being "politically correct" keep me and her separate. I look like a stiff, rigid supervisor to her and I feel like I'm letting her down. How can I be going to Africa, yet I can't even love the people that are right in front of me? I have been struggling with this for the past few weeks and I have been asking God to speak for me and to show his love through me. I woke up the other morning (after another night of "off and on" sleep because of this exact feeling of not being able to reach these people) and the word "listen" was the first thing that came to mind.
I don't listen enough. I didn't write on this blog for a week because of this reason...sometimes, nothing needs to be said/written. I'm going to work on this. I am going to slow down (remember a previous blog I posted, "Peace Stealers", and I wrote that I am a fast-paced-individual) and I am going to listen. I am going to listen to those around me, I am going to be still and listen to God, I am going to listen to my parents more (for you, Mom and Dad), I am going to listen more than I talk.
If I am unable to reach out to this coworker, then it has been a lie I have told myself. I can reach out to them. I can pray, I can listen, and I can show her God's love through me. Like the quote from twloha.com, "we were made to be lovers bold in broken places"...then I must be bold...I must listen...I must show love.
Slow down today...listen...be bold...love someone.
Don Miller says (Author of Blue Like Jazz), "we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding." Wouldn't it be amazing if we all did that? We reached out to everyone and before we offer advice, judge, etc...we listen.
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