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"25-year-old seeking a new life to replace her dull, stale, and boring current state of living."

If there was a neon sign flashing above my head one year ago, that is what it would have read. My headline was pathetic, don't ya think??

I moved to Tucson right after my 25th birthday. I moved to H-O-T Tucson in the middle of the summer. I then cut my thumb wide open and had to have surgery to repair my thumb. My left hand was immobilzed for 1 month and physical therpay for 3 months. I still didn't care for my job. Beyond all of that, my attitude was disgusting.

I was a pretty depressing person to be around and I thank God for my family, friends, and my boyfriend that stuck by me through it all. I also thank God. I thank him for breaking me down to a point that I needed Him. I broke and in my weakness I found God's strength.

It's so important to reach that point at certain times of our life. It's important to face every situation with humility in order for God's grace to guide us through. However, I had, for so long, left God out of the picture and tried to do everything on my own. I didn't want God to take the reigns because I was so scared to fall, to be humiliated. I wasn't letting God in; His grace...therefore I kept slipping further and further. No, actually I felt "stuck".
Here's my image of how I felt:
Picture me on a tight rope and I'm stuck half-way. I am too scared to go back where I came from, and I'm too scared to go forward. I am just standing in the middle...stuck.
The second part of the image is what I continue to fail to realize and that is God's presence. I have a pack on my back which is a parachute (in case I fall) and an umbrella to help me balance (and in case I fall)...the best part of the whole thing is that this "tight rope of life" is only 2 feet off the ground...2 feet!!!! So, even if I were to fall flat on my face in life, it won't be for long.

Isn't this how life is, though? We continue to feel like God has to come and save us. Like he wasn't there all along. I know that I struggle with understanding that He is with me...always. I need to call out for his strength often and ask for His help and His guidance.

So, I did that. I called out for His strength. I was miserable and I just gave it up one day. I was sick of trying to cross the tight rope. I was exhausted and was looking for a break. I remember praying one night about it and just dumping "it" onto God's lap. "Here you go...I can't handle it anymore."

It was amazing...I felt amazing. A burden had been lifted and I had so many more doors open for me, all because I asked.

Just give it up and ask.

My life isn't perfect or seen through rose colored glasses. But it's free. I'm not stuck.

I didn't receive a new life, like I was hoping for a year ago. No one can get a new life, but we must receive the one that we have been dealt and continue to search ourselves and ask for His guidance. Through Him and His love, we will find who we really are and in Him lies true contentment.

My new headline..1 year later:

"26-year-old seeking God's love who makes her feel alive."

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.