Going, Going...Launched!

The Mocha Club has Launched their new Campaign - "I need Africa More than Africa Needs Me". If you want to read my thoughts on this concept, please see my last post from last week and I really encourage you to check out the Mocha Club's website - they have been my link to my experience in Africa.
Anyways, they have launched this new campaign and I wanted to clue you all in!

http://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/i_need_africa




I am so excited by the Mocha Club's new Campaign and I really feel like this new launch is something that is needed..."just say no" to the late-night depressing commercials and "just say yes" to spreading the word of what an awesome continent Africa really is! :)

Much love,
Jen

"I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me"

I will go back to Africa again. I will visit Addis Ababa again.

I will go because I have to.

I have to go because I love it.

I love it because I adore the people.

I adore the people because they are real.

They are real because they have no pretense.

They have no pretense, which leads me to have no pretense.

Therefore:

Going to Africa = Me being myself

Or(to put all of that in a nutshell)...

"I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me"

What a concept, huh?

This "concept" was presented to my team while we were in Ethiopia this past summer by the Mocha Club Director. This past week this concept was presented to me again and I was asked to blog about why I need Africa more than Africa needs me. I am still struck at how simple and, yet, complex this statement is.

There I was in Ethiopia being served by these people to their fullest capacity and I felt that I had nothing to give them in return. I was served in more ways than one; from the smallest of gestures of a girls' kiss on my cheek and whispering konjo in my ear (konjo means beautiful) to a street kid in Ambo cleaning the mudd off my shoe with a stick when he was barefoot himself. I was moved to tears by their kindness and also by the purity of our moment-in-time relationship.

This wasn't the Africa that was painted on those late-night commercials. I had seen "those" commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about. The commercials that always seem to wake you up after you have fallen asleep on the couch and you look up through sleepy eyes at a child with a pot belly and flies in their eyes staring back at you. It's depressing, to say the least. These images always seemed to make me feel helpless, hopeless, and ultimately pitiless because there are only so many times you can see those images and not become numb to them.

After returning from Africa, I wondered where the commercials were of the moments I lived while I was in Ethiopia. Why don't they show them laughing? Why don't they show them smiling? Why don't they show them even eating?!

I can't make a commercial, but I can write these blogs for you to a be witness to the change that has occurred in me. I can paint a picture in your mind of an Africa that you may have not seen before.

I yearn to be back in Ethiopia. I would love to be back in the bright orange tent at the Kachini Center dancing with the kids who never seemed to get enough of me doing the "robot" in the center of the bright orange tent.

I yearn to be back at Hannah's Orphange so I could visit with Kalkidan, a young woman who always greeted me by slipping her hand into mine from behind my back and only letting go when she had to give me a hug to say goodbye.

These are now the "commercials" that play in my mind. These are the "commercials" that wake me up in the middle of the night. They have changed me more than my blogs will ever be able to convey. This is the Ethiopia - the Africa - that I want you to know. This is the Ethiopia that I want you to see.

And, ultimately, I hope you see that I need Africa more than Africa needs me.


***If you have enjoyed following my blogs, then follow the Mocha Club because it is the real reason I went to Africa. For real, check it out! www.MochaClub.org It is a community based website where you can invite your friends to join you by giving $7 a month - the cost of two mochas- to a project of your choice.
It is a great organization made up of great people and I am so thankful to be a part of this group and I want you to be a part of it as well. If you would like to join my project of orphan care by donating $7 a month then please visit my link 'https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/invitation/14159809008939d3adfc9dbc0cc73fe4'

Last, but not least:

****Share your thoughts in my comments, and even blog about it yourself. Join in the worthwhile cause of recasting the damaging images that force pity over partnership. Come back Dec 1st to see what Mocha Club is doing about reforming that image****

I look forward to what you all have to say...check in with you soon (December 1st)!

Much love,
Jen

My Purpose

The time between this blog and the last is a little embarassing. You would assume that having a life altering event occur in my life would stir up so much emotion that I would just have to write about it. However, it's been so life-changing that I can't even do much these days (besides work), which brings me to my next point: what am I do with my life?

I work for Target - that big national retailer that is usually in everyone's hometown with the big alluring bullseye that seems to draw millions of people to walk through its doors each day. It is often referred to as "the place I love to shop! I love it there!", by my friends or acquaintances when I tell people where I work. My usual response is, "yes, it's a fun place."

What am I talking about?!

I really don't think Target is "fun". I used to.

I used to love my job...l-o-v-e my job...I can't say that now, nor have I been able to say that for the past two years, however, the past two months have been the most difficult for me to walk into my job every day.

The other morning, before the store opened, I was walking the store and I passed the end of an aisle that was full of High School Musical Barbies and I was literally disgusted - sick to my stomache. I asked myself, "what am I doing here?!"

Please don't misunderstand me, Target does some great things for the community, and they sell a lot of "necessary items", but my heart isn't in Target and since coming back from Africa, It's been very difficult to go to a job that really is all about "revenue" (and sells High School Musical Barbies):)

All this ranting and raving isn't going to do much, I understand, however, I am feeling this way because my heart isn't in Target - I am not fulfilling my purpose.

I believe so many of us believe that life is like this - we go to jobs we actually "hate" and go through the motions because it's just a job, and we are ok with this.

Why?

I believe it's our scapegoat to not accepting all that God has designed us to be.

I was emailing one of my team mates from Africa last month and we were going back and forth about our situations at work and in one of his emails I could tell that he really wanted to move to Africa, but that it isn't practical because he has a daughter, but even if he doesn't go to Africa, he stated he really didn't want to work at the same job anymore.

I believe in him - I believe that there is more to his life than what he is doing - I believe this because he admitted it - he is feeling "it" - it being something more out there.

But what is he doing about it?

What am I doing about it?

I think I still put on the red and khaki every day because just leaving my job isn't practical. I've been battling with this "being practical" thing for a while now. I find it so ironic when all I read in the bible are people that were the complete opposite - John the Baptist, Moses, King Jehu, Abraham, and the list goes on. But we know they were following God and never say "geez, that sure wasn't practical for Moses to leave". We don't say this because they were standing up and moving toward something greater than themselves - God!

This is the battle I fight today - I almost quit my job one week ago. I literally, just about put my two week notice in with no other job lined up. I didn't do it because I was too scared to. Too scared to step out of the boat - too scared to trust that God has everything under control.

I have been in a comfortable spot for too long and I believe that I let my job give me a false sense of security with money, my development with the company, my savings, etc. But, as you can tell, it's given me nothing because I am still unhappy.

As I sit here on the couch drinking a cup o' joe, I can't help but think that the people in Ethiopia that I met along the way seem to be in a better place than I am in right now. Sometimes to have less is to have more...

So, this is where I am at right now. This trip to Africa has really thrown me for a loop and right now I am asking you for your prayers that I may be blessed with the knowledge of knowing the things that my Father has called me to do and that I will be able to carry out God's work with honor, peace and joy.

I pray for you as well...I pray that you will be blessed with the knowledge of your purpose and that you will be everything that God designed you to be...

James and Surafel Know Their Stuff!

This is a picture of Surafel and me. Surafel is attempting to take off my hat, which was a definite no-go for me since we hadn't had running water for 2 days and my hair was in that hat for a reason! ha!

I love this picture, though, because it is a great reminder of how fun my time was with him.

Surafel (pronounced Sir-awful) was our translator during our entire time in Ethiopia. He is 20-years-old and speaks fluent English. He has never left his country of Ethiopia, nor did he really express any real interest in leaving - he loves his country. Surafel is currently in school and he was approached by the Mocha Club Director, Barrett Ward, to be the translator for all of the teams that would be visiting Ethiopia over the summer. He accepted and I can't imagine my time in Ethiopia without him.

I could never sit next to him over breakfast or dinner without breaking into laughter. I loved his humor because he was sarcastic and quick-witted; we got along quite well in that arena:)

Beyond his humor, he is smart, well beyond his years. His street sense is unmatched and it is amazing for me to think that he is considered a "nerd" by the locals because he is a Christian and translates for foreigners when they comes - aka "faringis".

His mother has passed away and his father, if I remember correctly, is still alive but he has never met him. He too is a orphan and the children love him! I found myself watching him while we were at Kachini, or Hannah's (another orphanage in Addis). He is a complete natural around the children and they gravitate toward him...or maybe it's the other way around:) He is someone I look up to and he is someone that truly is an example of faith in action.

I think of Surafel often. Mostly I think about what he said one day as we sat in the guest house waiting for our day to begin. We were sitting side-by-side on the couch when I reached into my bag and pulled out my journal. I asked him for his address and email address. As he took my pen and began to write in my journal, I stated to him, "I know you have no intention to visit the United States, but if you ever do, you have a place to stay with me."

I really meant it. I didn't say it to anyone else while we were there and I didn't give anyone else my information. But what he said to me, stuck with me. Surafel replied back to my offer, "Do you know how many times I've heard that and I've never heard back from anyone."

Wow

Empty promises...

What amazed me the most is that he continued to write down his information without hesitation. That was a true testament of itself for if I had been told numerous times that exact same thing, I wouldn't be writing down any of my personal information due to the fact that I wouldn't be contacted.

I believe I have a great responsibility in this world to build relaionships. It was something that I lack in my life and you can read about in my blogs that I've been positing since April. I need to slow down in my life and listen to people, build relationships with people...

I can go on all the "right" trips and volunteer my time with local organizations, but if I don't act on my faith that says to "love one another" and it is not accompanied by action, then my faith is dead.

Surafel understands this...that is why he will continue to write down his address and his email address for those who ask because his actions reflect his faith. He has faith in God and that faith in God keeps him grounded to not be so bothered by the fact that sometimes people will hand out empty promises.

My favorite book in the bible is James; full of the vital basics of Christianity delivered in a simple and direct way. James is mainly focused on faith and deeds. I read from James Chapter 2 this morning and I was reminded that there are two types of people.

Those that have faith.

And those that have deeds.

We can't live by faith without taking any action. And we can't take action without having faith...

I believe the actions that I need to take in my life are connecting with people...really building relationships with those around me. It is when I feel most like myself and when I truly feel that I am living out my faith.

Surafel and James seem to get it and watching Surafel live out his faith by connecting with the people was a true testament that someone's faith is made complete by what he does...not by faith alone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must write an email to Surafel and tell him just that...

James 2:24 "You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone."

Imagine

Today I plugged my earbuds into my ears and pressed "play" on my Ipod. The song that played was Jack Johnson's version to "Imagine".
I always thought this song was "nice" before I went to Africa.
I find it so powerful now.
I find it to be a real wish of mine for the people of Africa.
Upon hearing this song today, I was brought back to the drive back to Addis Ababa from Ambo. It was a cloudy day, about 60 degrees, light rain. I felt the weather reflected my feelings on leaving Ambo. I had such a great time in Ambo with the people at the church and working with the Street Kids was such a life-changing experience that I found it bittersweet to be leaving these people, yet I looked forward to going back to Addis and seeing the children that we had spent time with on our first day at Kachini.
With my Ipod plugged into my ears and the music blaring, our bus began our journey back to Addis, but first, we were going to see a waterfall that was just north of Addis. Sammy (our personal bus driver, who I secretly had a crush on...ha, kidding!) safely (barely) navigated through the roads up to the top of a mountain and pulled off to the side so we could get out and look out at this beautiful land.
The view took my breath away...
The land was so green and the fields lay like a patchwork quilt and dirt paths zig-zagged the fields. This is the point that it really hit me that we were in Ethiopia! This country is so beautiful and unique. I tried to soak in the moment and journal about it immediately in order to remember that moment. Here's what I had to say:
"I am such an ignorant person. I thought Africa would be hot, dusty, and filled with giraffes and elephants. However, I have yet to feel the temp rise above 70, I haven't seen an elephant nor a tiger or lion, and sometimes I wish there was dust because it would mean that there wasn't so much mud to maneuever around while walking along the street or to a restaurant. I just got done viewing the land surrounding Ambo at about 9,000 feet and I felt like I was on top of the world...I wish that everyone and anyone could see Africa in this way and want to take a stand and do something...anything..."
My team and I climbed back into our bus (aka "death-mobile" since Sammy is an absolute maniac driver) and drove down to see the waterfall. The guard to the entrance of the waterfall took one step on the bus and saw a bus full of white people (faringi's as they call us) and rambled off some ridiculous price to see the waterfall.
***It is imperative not to give the locals whatever price they ramble off since they usually won't make any other deals for the day with other locals and will normally raise the price on items that the locals can't afford, since they already made enough money for the day because "faringis" have paid the highest price.****
We skipped the waterfall and made our way back to Addis. This is when I heard the song "Imagine" on my Ipod. It was a perfect backdrop to the drive. Our bus pulled over at one point during the drive to let another bus pass us on the one-lane road. Our bus had stopped in front of a small hut and there were three children standing in the doorway. The oldest girl stepped out and came toward the bus and smiled at us. The other two children slowly crept out behind the girl. As I stared back at these children, the lyrics blared in my ears, "you may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope one day that you will join us..."
It's true...
I was in a bus filled with people that felt the same way that I did about Africa and there were more to follow my team, and the team after them, and it goes on and on...
My team and I were so moved during our first four days, especially with the Street Kids, that we asked Barrett Ward (Mocha Club Director) what we could do to help them. His explanation helped me understand how important it is to not go in and "save" people without getting to know the community, the people, and complete the work that was first started.
While the Mocha Club would like to pursue the Street Children more in the future, they need to first finish building the school in Ambo that they have started. If you would like to assist in building this school, it will cost you $7.00/month...that's it!! To join the funding for the Ambo School project, click http://mochaclub.org/joinme/brward/12

If you don't wish to, I understand, and "you may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."

Just imagine...


**The picture is me looking down at our view that day outside of Ambo**

I Feel Good

I passed a homeless man today. He was holding a sign up that read "will work for food, shelter or $. I'll watch your dog." He was sitting cross-legged on the corner of a busy intersection. I pulled up next to him and looked at him. He looked up at me and I smiled. He smiled back. I instantly began wondering why he became homeless. Is it merely a choice because he wanted to? He had to? What was his name? Where was his family? Where was he from? Was he honest with his note on his sign?

But what I really began to think about were the Street Kids in Ambo. This is a picture of them eating the lunch that we served them that afternoon of our third day in Ethiopia.

There were about 60 of them; all young men between the ages of 8-17-years-old. They were homeless. Kicked out of their homes due to lack of food/money or for other various reasons. These boys became each other's family and took care of one another.

We spent that day with them and after eating lunch we hit the soccer field. A soccer field that was mud - thick, sticky mud. After running down the field and slipping nearly 10 times, I was done and made my way to the sidelines. I attempted to scrape the 10 pounds of mud that had engulfed by shoes when a young boy came up to me and motioned for my foot. He then took out a tool and began to scrape the mud off of my shoes. I looked down at this young boy and noticed that he was barefoot himself.

How is this possible? How could he be a servant in that moment? He had nothing, but he gave me everything he had. My eyes began to water and I had to look away in fear that my tears would swell and spill out of my eyes. What a beautiful portrait to see this boy caring for me in such a way and then to look in front of me and seeing another young boy doing the same for another one of my team members.

What an example they demonstrated...selflessness...servanthood...caretaker...innocence...

These were real people...real stories...real lives...real hearts...real names...
They were so real and I felt so...fake!

I felt so good that day because they were so real. The more real they were, the more real and alive I became. I felt convicted by my superficial and judgmental ways of living. It was so easy that day to be myself because I let my judgments go...

It is much easier to just enjoy people for who they are, rather than for what they are.

That is why I loved that day in Ambo...I saw them for who they really are...beautiful and genuine. I see them how God wants me to see people. He sees their soul and I only wish that every day could be like that. How great would it be if we could walk around and see people's character/soul on the outside just like a physical characteristic? It really is freeing...refreshing...stimulating...I felt good (to put it simply).

Felt good is past tense. I should put it in present tense - I feel good.

I didn't feel good before I left for Africa. I worried about the trivial things and I cared a lot about what I had that defined me. The Street Kids saw me for who I really was and it allowed me to do the same for others.

That is why I smiled at the man today holding the cardboard sign. I smiled because I was reminded to see that man for who he was...not a "homeless" man, but just a man that has a name...that has a life...that has a story...and, to be honest, it made me feel good to judge less and love a little bit more...

Konjo, no?

The second day of our journey was spent on a drive to Ambo. Ambo is a small town that is about 3 hours northwest of Addis Ababa. I was really looking forward to driving outside of Addis just to see this beautiful country.

The country is beautiful. The temperature was in the mid 60's and it rained every day. The land is mountaineous and green. The soil so rich that it's black. The farmers till the land with an ox and plow and I saw them every where. While on the drive to Ambo, the sun broke out of the clouds and beamed down on the patchwork quilt of fields that littered the country side. Besides Sammy (our crazy driver) swirving to miss cattle that lay in the middle of the road, it was quite a peaceful drive to Ambo.

I couldn't stop pondering why this country was one of the poorest in the world. They seem to have everything; peace, a strong connection with family, land, rain, education. It didn't seem to add up. It seemed that 1+1 = 0 and my mind couldn't comprehend why they have so much, yet so little. I read from Hebrews during my time in Ethiopia and a reoccuring theme seemed to keep "popping" up of these people being blessed. My first night in Ambo, I read from Hebrews 6:7 "Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God."

I stopped after reading this. This verse was their country. They are a blessed country, but once again, I didn't fully understand. How can one be blessed, but still have disease? How can a country be blessed and still have poverty? I got very upset one day after I returned back home and I broke down crying. Telling God over and over again that it didn't make sense and what did he want me to do? Then I heard the still small voice inside telling me "see them as I see them."

Wow.

God revealed it to me in a way that made sense...I needed 1+1 = 2. However, there is no such equation. That is our way of thinking, though. We, as Americans, must have an answer and a solution to everything. Including how to make their lives better. However, we are the ones that need to be changed.

Their lives are much more than a late-night Sally Struthers commercial (as my fiance, Matt would say). They are more than children with flies in their eyes, pot bellies, and overcome with depression. We need to see people for who they are, not what they have (disease) or what they don't have (material things).

They have their own individual stories. I feel so blessed to be able to listen to their stories and experience their country. I fell in love with these people and their country the moment I stepped off the plane and the Ethiopians are in love with their country as well. One day, in Ambo, my team and I got our shoes cleaned by the street kids (who I will write about in a later entry) and our group leader, Geoffrey, asked one of the kids what he thought of Ethiopia. The boy replied with a big grin and said, "Ah yes. It is the life!"
While in Ambo we also visited a school and church that the Mocha Club (the organization I went with to Africa) sponsors. The children hung out with us for a few days and one day, a little girl came up to me and kissed my cheek and looked at me and said, "konjo." My eyes began to water because earlier that day, I had learned that konjo means "beauiful."

She was right - that moment was konjo.
This entire country and the people are konjo.

Now, if we could actually put those moments on a late-night commercial, instead of a depressing Sally Struthers commercial, we might begin "to see them how He sees them."

Keep Out of Reach of Children

My first day in Ethiopia was spent sleeping until noon, then having lunch (which was usually PB&J - double decker style as one of my team mates would say), and then we piled into a van and were on our way to Kachini Study Center. This center is located in one of the poorest areas of Addis Ababa and has a very high rate of AIDS.
The drive itself was impactful enough. There seemed to be no sense of order to the driving there - it is absolutely insane! There are no street names, some streets are dirt/mud and have 3 foot pot holes in them. There are no stop lights, no stop signs, and even if there were, no would follow them. Beyond the craziness of the drive, I saw so much; a man crippled by polio who was walking on all fours (elbows and knees), children begging on the street, people sitting everywhere...doing nothing...just squatting on the side of the street watching the cars pass by.

It's interesting to think back on that first day because as our days progressed in Ethiopia, I was less impacted by what I saw...well, at least what I saw in the streets. I suppose it was my introduction to Ethiopia. It seemed to be a place riddled with disease and poverty.

So...I expected the Kachini Study Center to be the same...filled with disease and poverty.

I was wrong. Completely wrong.

Our van pulled up to a bright sky blue gate and it was opened by a male guard. Our van drove in and there were kids smiling back at us all around the center. Some stayed off to the side, while others waited for us outside of the van. Our leader told us to not be shy and just have fun with them. So I did...I walked off the van and I was immediately greeted by two small boys. They held out their hands for a warm handshake. They were the finest little gentleman and they had the brightest smiles. I was lead inside a building where we sat at a table and played with one small piece of playdough. This piece of playdough was gray from being mixed with every color in the rainbow and they were content with this. I even had a pair of earrings made. :)

As I played with the children, a young girl approached me who had a piece of cloth tied in a bow around her forehead. She was a very cute girl with hazel eyes. What hit me was the rash that seemed to have spread all over face. She was the happiest and one of the most outgoing girls there and I kept spying her all over that afternoon. I kept thinking how simple it would be to take care of that rash with some ointment and how bad I felt if she didn't have access to it.

God must have heard my thoughts because a few hours later, she came and sat across from me at a table and in her hand was a tube of prescription ointment. She sat there and rubbed this ointment into the 5 spots on her face in a grown-up like manner. She would catch my eyes once in a while and smile at me. I reached out for the ointment and read on the package, "Keep out of reach of children."

My heart broke.

I wanted to save this little girl with the big hazel eyes and fabric bow tied around her forehead. I didn't want her to have to be so grown-up. I wanted to keep this life that she was living out of her reach. I wanted to keep all of the children out of the reach of poverty and hunger.

But as the days progressed in Ethiopia, I realized that most Ethiopians have been dealt a life that should have been kept out of their reach, but instead of them thinking the worst and being hostile, angry, or depressed, they are the complete opposite. They are the most beautiful and gracious people I have met.

I believe that at one time I had labeled Africa, "Keep Africa out of reach of Americans/Me". However, in reality, we need a heavy dose of a prescription called a "Wake-up Call."

So...I, Dr. Jen, prescribe a prescription for you (with unlimited amounts of refills) to a "Wake-up Call" and get out there...do something...love someone...help someone...listen to someone.

Who knows? Maybe you might start to feel better...prescriptions have a tendency to do that. :)

Speak for Me

I have waited long enough to start to share my time in Ethiopia with all of you. Some of you have patiently waited and I am truly sorry for keeping you waiting. I am finding it much harder to share my experiences with others than I had anticipated. I have plenty to talk about, but it's hard to find a beginning and an end to the experience because it doesn't have one. It has impacted my life, it is currently impacting my life, and it will continue to impact my life. I also find it hard to talk about because this experience is so much bigger than me...than all of us, really. I find it difficult to find the words to describe how I felt and what I saw.

I continue to think about lyrics to a song by Jaci Velazquez because it is exactly how I feel:

What have I to offer
To a world in need
Yet for some unknown reason
You have chosen me

Lord you have set my journey
You've prepared the way
Still, I'm desperate for the words to say

All I am is willing
All I have is in your hands

Every brief encounter
that you send my way
Is it just to show the love You gave me?
I see their troubled faces
A hunger deep inside
Lord, I depend on You to touch their lives

Light what burns within me
Let Your truth shine through my life

Speak for me
This my plea
Say the words I can't express
Sing for me
A heavenly melody
That the people will be blessed
Speak for me


I feel this way about telling my story to all of you...I have no words that make a coherent sentence...I don't have the words to express how I feel...I'm quiet about my experience because I want no pat on the back, I don't want someone to tell me "good job", I don't want someone to say, "what did you do there? Just try to not get aids?" (Yes, folks, I heard that one.) I don't want any glory because I did nothing while I was there. Nothing impactful for those people. I mean, I went there, spent a few weeks with them, came home and went on with my life and they went on with theirs. The people impacted me more than I will ever impact them.
I really don't have my own story to tell. My story is their story. The people I met in Ethiopia invited me into their lives and were so generous. I was completely refreshed by them and it was great to connect with people for who they are as a person...nothing more and nothing less...

So, with that, I will share "their story" which they have let become "my story". I will let them speak for me and let their truth shine through my life!

Much love,
Jen

You, you, you! Photo!

While in Ethiopia, my group and I heard children shout at us to take their pictures. They would point at us and come running when we would whip out our cameras. They would shout, "you, you, you...photo!" They were all natural models and they posed so perfect, without even realizing it. Please take a look at the pictures and enjoy. I still have yet to share my experiences with you, but for now I will let the pictures tell my story.

Yes!

I can't resist to post it on my blog, but I am engaged! I am engaged to "my man" of 2+ years. We got engaged the end of June, but with all the craziness of him leaving for Afghanistan (please keep him in your prayers) and me leaving for Africa, I kept it on the back burner. It has really hit me in the past few days, though, that I really am engaged...please don't ask me a date...I don't know :/
Anyways, I gotta keep it real, though...it's about Africa you want to hear about!:) Don't let your panties get in a bunch, I'll write about my time in Ethiopia! Ha!

Much love,
Jen E...one day I will be "Jen K."

In the States

I rolled back into town late at night on Tuesday. I took Wednesday off and hung out with my dog and watched the back of my eyelids for most of the day. I went back to work yesterday. I want to write about my experiences from my journal I kept while I was there in order for it to be a more coherent blog. However, I can't do it right now. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am back and I had a great time...that seems like such an understatement. Well, you will just have to stay tuned to find out why I think it's an understatement. :)
Once again, thank you for your prayers and your support. This trip was made possible by all of you and for that I am truly grateful. Please continue to pray for God to open my eyes to what I am to take out of this experience and to have the wisdom to discern what it is that He wants me to take away from it vs. what I think I need to take away from it.
Stay tuned for more...

Much love,
Jen

5...4...3...2...1...Blast off!

It's 12:30am...I am leaving in 6 hours to go to the Tucson airport. From there I will fly into Dallas. I meet my team in Dallas and as a team we then go to a hotel and have our first meeting and discuss the next few weeks, especially the next few days.

My team and I will leave Dallas on Wednesday morning and we fly into London, England. We spend the night in London and then arrive on Thursday into Addis Ababa, Ethiopia...yes!

At first, I was disappointed to be staying in London. I just wanted to get to Africa as fast as possible and I felt that it may take away from my experience. Well, now I am humming a different tune, because I am going to love having these next few days to think about the next two weeks. I have been so rushed these past few weeks with Matt leaving for Afghanistan, being newly engaged (1 week), me leaving for Africa, moving out of my apartment, and finding out that I will be leaving my current store to start another position at another store, I haven't had much time to think about the next few weeks.

I was rushing around a few days ago and I kept thinking about everything I had to do, and I remember thinking, "Lord, help me", but before I knew it, it changed to, "Lord, I trust you..." Folks, that is what is called the "Holy Spirit". I was so reassured by the simple, yet very significant, way of rephrasing my "needs"....

I do that so often in my life..."Lord, help me!"

"Lord, help that person."

"Lord, heal that person."

"Lord, I need you to do this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this..."

Funny, but true.

I have been repeating that over and over again these past few days..."Lord, I trust you." It has done me wonders because I honestly don't know what to pray for...My mind is going too fast and I admit it that I have not spent enough time in prayer for the past week, but God knows our lives, He will find a way to reach us...not us reaching Him.

Don't you ever get tired of holding the reigns? You can't ask for help if you don't let go...

My faith is constantly tested, but yesterday, today and tomorrow I will trust Him. Do you?

Africa, here I come...hopefully I didn't forget to pack toothpaste...Oh well, "Lord, I trust you that I have packed my toothbrush!" :)

donations

Thank you to everyone who supported me with donations...I started packing it tonight and I hope I can fit everything!:)

I wanted to let you know what I will be bringing with me:

* Baby dolls - I have an awesome co-worker who gave me a lot of dolls and barbie dolls
* Toy cars - from same "awesome co-worker"
* Fabric totes - with lots of crafts to decorate them
* Crayons
* Notebook paper
* Construction paper
* Scissors
* Clothes
* Stickers - loads o' stickers


Thank you so much for all of your help...

On a serious note, please pray for me at this time in regards to finding a peace about going...I am so busy right now with moving, packing, and finding a place for my dog to stay that I feel lost and my heart isn't focused on preparing to go...

2 more days and counting! yay!

Much love,
Jen

We Can Change the World!

I opened up a book today and inside I found a drawing that my niece had drawn for me while I was in Michigan visiting last month. I remember watching her draw it while we waited for our food at a restaurant. Her mommy had given her a few crayons and some lined notebook paper and she made a masterpiece out of it.

Well, at least I thought it was a masterpiece.

I have purple eyes, a green nose, a red mouth, and orange hair. I also have little lines for arms and legs...it looks exactly like me! :)

I use this drawing as a bookmark because I love it. I love my niece. I love her innocence. She is a 3-year-old doing exactly what a 3-year-old should be doing. Living her life worry-free...

I looked at this drawing today and I couldn't help but think of the children in Africa. I can see pictures of them in my head of their little bodies ravaged by HIV or any other disease that has decided to plague them. I haven't even been to Africa yet, but I have, and you have, seen the pictures...it's horrible.

I remember someone telling me that it was very "commendable" for me to be going to Africa. I was immediately bothered by that word...commendable.

What does that mean?

Commendable.

I know what they meant, and it wasn't meant in a bad way at all, but I don't find what I'm doing commendable. It is something that I must do, that I already love doing (even though I haven't gone) and I don't for one minute think I'm giving up anything in my life in order to help people...human beings in dire need of assistance...our assistance.

This trip really isn't commendable...it's not a cause...I'm not a do-er of good deeds.

This is a real Emergency...they need our help.

There is so much need in this world and I really feel like we all can do a little bit more to help those in this world...even if it's your next door neighbor. It's so rewarding to give back and I think Proverbs 11:25 sums it up well:
"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes will himself be refreshed."

I feel refreshed...and I thank all of you for supporting me because you have supported them. I pray that all of you spread the word, support your neighbor, love others, donate your time volunteering, or support an organization that you find fantastic! People will benefit from you...you can impact the world!

Do you remember being little and thinking, "I wanna change the world!" Ha...I still believe that...

I leave in 4 days and I was worrying about being prepared spiritually...I felt like all my attention was on packing, moving out of my apartment, saying goodbye to Matt (who left for Afghanistan on Monday), etc. Then I opened up the book today and saw my niece's drawing...it was a perfect reminder that there are little children orphaned all over the world that deserve to draw a picture with a crayon and not have to worry...........

So, I will pack one more piece of paper and one more crayon...even if it impacts only one person...

The Mocha Club

$7 per month in Africa does the following:

* Feed one person for a month
* Educate 2 children for 1 school term
* Save 1 person's life from malaria
* Provide clean water to 7 Africans for 1 year

Pretty amazing to think about. This is where my $7 goes every month. I wanted to give you the opportunity to join the Mocha Club if you would like. I have talked about the Mocha Club, but I haven't given you enough information in order for you to find out how you can join.

If you join my team then your $7.00 a month goes toward Orphan Care. There are many other areas where your donations can go toward, but my heart lies with the orphans and making their lives better so that they can have fulfilling lives ahead of them. If you would like to join, please follow this link https://www.mochaclub.org/mochaclub/team/6952

I am excited to be working with these orphans in a little less than 3 weeks and I, once again, thank you all for your prayers and support. You have made it possible for me to go!

Other news:
What will my team and I be doing while we are there?
We will be working with 200 orhpans in Addis Ababa and 270 orphans in Ambo (just outside of Addis Ababa). We have two events going on while we are there. One day we are going to put on a "Carnival Day" where we will have tables set up for face painting, making of balloon animals, painting/coloring, etc. Another day we will celebrating holidays. (I have been put in charge of brining Valentine supplies...Valentine's Day in July is the new thing..ha!) It is going to be great to have fun with these children and just let them be children - play, decorate, laugh, and have fun.

Thank you for the support with the donations. I am very excited to take pictures of the children with all of your donations...I will take pictures and be more than happy to post them for all of you to see and enjoy once I return!

Much love,
Jen

Walk in it

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21

I saw this verse today and I loved it...

I love how it states that I (or you, your next door neighbor, whoever) will hear a voice from behind. He knows we will make mistakes and stumble and fall, but he is right behind us to pick us up.Wow! Think about it. Think about it some more. What is God saying??

My thinking process of this verse:

I am amazed that God is letting us walk in front of Him...He shines a light on our path and He lets us be in front. He guides us and speaks to us through our hearts. He has put the truth in our hearts and we must find what we love and listen to our inner voice and go with it. He will let us know if we are doing right in every area of our life.

God has put His desires in our heart and allows us to find "it" (our desires) and walk in front of Him = "And your ears shall hear a word behind you"
He guides us and speaks to us through our hearts and we must listen to this inner voice = "This is the way, walk in it"
Every area of our life = "when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left"

The Bible really is living. If I had read this verse a year ago, it would not have impacted me quite like it did today. I love to find more meaning in life...in every little thing...with people, with bible verses, with a walk in a park, or when having a conversation with someone. I know, at times, I can probably annoy the poo right out of my boyfriend in particular, but sometimes it needs to be done. My findings, when I disect the inner workings of myself, are a reality of how simple it all really is:
I must never stop learning and never stop growing! I truly believe the more you search yourselves to find who you really are the more you will realize you are much more than just average or normal. I believe you have to trust yourself and that inner voice to become who you really are.
Maybe I could change the verse to:
"This is your own unique way that I made for you, walk in it."

Short-Term Vs. Long-Term? That is the Question.

I'm currently searching online for a "stuffable rain jacket". If you read my last post, then you know that I am going to have to be a savvy traveler when it comes to packing; can't waste space. I suppose anything "stuffable" will work...hmmm...maybe I'll search for stuffable shoes, crayons, paper, clothing...ha! Anyways, we are nearing the departure date (July 1st) and I still can't believe it's coming up so quickly. Before I know it, the trip will already have come and gone and then what??...Then...what???...

Great question...
Then...what?

If you've been reading my blogs or have been talking to me personally then you understand where my heart is. My heart is everywhere but in the place I am in the most...my job that I currently have. I feel a real pull to serve and not just on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of going to Ethiopia, but really serve. I am not going to do anything drastic and quit my job and move to Tibet, but this pull on my heart definitely has me thinking. I am thinking about long-term after this short-term. How many times in my life, or in your life, have we been impacted by something short-term or short-lived, but failed to make it impact our lives long-term? I have done this numerous times and I am finally waking up. I am waking up to the fact that we, or I, have to follow what interests us. The "thing" that keeps us going and makes us go, "wow, I really feel a peace within." So with that, I ask for your prayers right now. I am asking for clarity on the big picture. Where does the path lead after July 15th when I return to Tucson, AZ? Please pray that I am pointed in the right direction and that my vision not be clouded by my own wants or desires.

The quest for the "stuffable rain jacket" must go on. Before I end this short blog, I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of those who have supported me with donations and prayers in the recent weeks. I would love to shout out names to make it more personal, but that may be awkward...I will just have to call you up and write you letters...thank you, thank you, thank you!

Much love,
Jen

Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

"25-year-old seeking a new life to replace her dull, stale, and boring current state of living."

If there was a neon sign flashing above my head one year ago, that is what it would have read. My headline was pathetic, don't ya think??

I moved to Tucson right after my 25th birthday. I moved to H-O-T Tucson in the middle of the summer. I then cut my thumb wide open and had to have surgery to repair my thumb. My left hand was immobilzed for 1 month and physical therpay for 3 months. I still didn't care for my job. Beyond all of that, my attitude was disgusting.

I was a pretty depressing person to be around and I thank God for my family, friends, and my boyfriend that stuck by me through it all. I also thank God. I thank him for breaking me down to a point that I needed Him. I broke and in my weakness I found God's strength.

It's so important to reach that point at certain times of our life. It's important to face every situation with humility in order for God's grace to guide us through. However, I had, for so long, left God out of the picture and tried to do everything on my own. I didn't want God to take the reigns because I was so scared to fall, to be humiliated. I wasn't letting God in; His grace...therefore I kept slipping further and further. No, actually I felt "stuck".
Here's my image of how I felt:
Picture me on a tight rope and I'm stuck half-way. I am too scared to go back where I came from, and I'm too scared to go forward. I am just standing in the middle...stuck.
The second part of the image is what I continue to fail to realize and that is God's presence. I have a pack on my back which is a parachute (in case I fall) and an umbrella to help me balance (and in case I fall)...the best part of the whole thing is that this "tight rope of life" is only 2 feet off the ground...2 feet!!!! So, even if I were to fall flat on my face in life, it won't be for long.

Isn't this how life is, though? We continue to feel like God has to come and save us. Like he wasn't there all along. I know that I struggle with understanding that He is with me...always. I need to call out for his strength often and ask for His help and His guidance.

So, I did that. I called out for His strength. I was miserable and I just gave it up one day. I was sick of trying to cross the tight rope. I was exhausted and was looking for a break. I remember praying one night about it and just dumping "it" onto God's lap. "Here you go...I can't handle it anymore."

It was amazing...I felt amazing. A burden had been lifted and I had so many more doors open for me, all because I asked.

Just give it up and ask.

My life isn't perfect or seen through rose colored glasses. But it's free. I'm not stuck.

I didn't receive a new life, like I was hoping for a year ago. No one can get a new life, but we must receive the one that we have been dealt and continue to search ourselves and ask for His guidance. Through Him and His love, we will find who we really are and in Him lies true contentment.

My new headline..1 year later:

"26-year-old seeking God's love who makes her feel alive."

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Plain and Simple

This week I have been thinking back to my interview over the phone with Geoffrey (mission leader) this past January. Geoffrey was asking me pretty routine questions and I will never forget how I
felt when he asked me, "why do you want to go on a mission trip?"
What a great question, right? Why...why...???
My response:
"Wow! What a great question (ha...I really said that...I'm a dork). Well, I've been searching for trips to Africa for the past 4 months and every search came up fruitless, until I received an email from you in December. I haven't had this raw desire to go on a mission trip, well, not at least like this. This desire is not only in missions, but in talking to every homeless person I pass or to volunteer here in Tucson. My life, for the past 3 years, has been work, my job. I feel most like myself lately, or I feel closest to God, when I am giving and loving others. God is changing my heart, I feel it, and going to Africa would only be a reflection of this change in my heart."

This past week has been difficult for me.
I haven't been praying for my trip to Africa...I don't know what to talk to God about.
I have too many expectations.
I have to continue to do a daily check to make sure my intentions are true. However, like I said, I haven't done that because I've been thinking about what it's going to be like during my mission.
Please pray that my intentions are to be after God's heart...that I have the heart to serve.
I don't want to have expectations of this trip. Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking from the weight of my own world...my own expectations...I feel like I'm disconnected from the trip...I have left God out and have put my own intentions into play...

What were my intentions when I interviewed in January? I wanted to love others, to show God's love...nothing more...raw...pure...honest...
That is why a daily check of what my intentions are is imperative. I don't want to be going in blind, but I want my motive to still be as simple in July when I leave as it was in January when I was interviewing with Geoffrey.

It's plain and simple...I want to serve others. Why then, if I say it's so "plain and simple", does it seem to be so "obscure and complicated?"

Christ of Hope

I spoke with my grandparents on the phone today. They are some of the strongest people I know...the funniest...the most positive...the most encouraging...and the list goes on. I consider them to be "hip" and if you ever get the chance to meet them, then consider yourself to be lucky!:)
However, today it wasn't all laughs and smart a$$ comments that we all like to make with one another. My grandparents talked about my grandma's niece who is only 10 years younger than my grandma and the fact that her niece is dying from liver cancer. My heart went out to them both and to her niece....My grandma posed the question that we always seem to ask, "how can this happen to such a good person?" or the question that I have asked at times, "how can God let this happen?" I don't have any answers...I don't know why He lets certain things happen to people and not to others...
I feel this same way when I think of Africa. How can such a huge injustice go unnoticed by so many? There is so much in this world that doesn't make sense. Yet, that is why I call it the "world"...this isn't heaven and everything isn't perfect or holy...not yet, at least.
The people of Africa will be "holy" either in this lifetime or in heaven. My grandma's niece (who she says is just like a sister to her) will be made perfect by God. God has a way of blinding the darkness by just being who He is. There will be pain and grief, but keeping our hope in Christ always seems to get us through even when we don't feel like we can make it through...his grace carries us through. Our weaknesses allow God to be strong.

I love my grandma. I love my grandpa. I love music as well.
After I got off the phone with them, a song came to mind by Michelle Tumes. I love her voice and her lyrics are very inspirational. This song is dedicated to their niece and also to the children of Africa...I have hope in Christ that one day all of life will one day make sense...


As I travel far from kinships
As I wander far from home
May He grace you with His favor
And breathe the fragrance of His love
May His angels watch and keep you
As you slumber through the night
The gentle hand of God will touch you
As He wakes you with the morning light

May He bring you hope
Hope you've never never known
May the Christ of hope
Embrace you evermore

Titles do matter

"Acting as commander while Major O'Rourke is deployed is Captain Matt Komatsu and his date, Jennifer."
This is how I was introduced this past weekend at Matt's Rescue Squadron's Ball. I was Matt's "date"...like some girl that he had just met through his friend "so-and-so" and he decided to take me as his lucky girl to the Rescue Ball. Ha! :) The truth is that I am Matt's girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I moved down here to Tucson because of him. I have been there for him while he was finishing up his training to become a Combat Rescue Officer. I spent countless hours on the phone crying, laughing, talking, etc. I know what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, what kind of food he likes, how he never clips his toe nails until I tell him to. He loves strong coffee with cream and sugar. He loves the mountains and snow more than anything. He could go on and on about his two sisters and he thinks the world of his parents. He has supported me more than I give him credit for and the list goes on. I love him more than anything and I felt completely disrespected by the title of "date" as we were announced into the ball this past weekend. The word "date" seemed to diminish everything I felt for him and he for me. Beyond that, this title diminished who I really am to Matt to everyone who attended the ball and heard me announced...you see, titles do matter. However, we must be careful how we think about people once they have been labeled...our judgments aren't always true and can be very innacurate.
What do you think when you hear "date?" Do you react differently when you hear "girlfriend", "fiance",or "wife"? What if I were to say the word(s), "Christian"..."mission trip"..."Christian Organization"...what comes to mind when you hear/see these words?? Are you turned off by these words or do you find yourself relating to them? Think about it for just a few moments....
What is a Christian?
I am a Christian. I mean, I consider myself to be one. I love the Lord and I try to be like him every day...I stress "try". I never want to stop growing as a person who has a lot to learn in this life...God opens my eyes to how hard my heart is towards people, myself, and the world in general. God is love...to be a Christian is to love others and yourself...period. I don't like to claim that I am a Christian...I would rather just "show" how I am a Christian...just be "it"!
What is a mission trip?
I am going on a "mission trip". It is a trip and there is a mission (to visit orphaned chilrden of Ethiopia)...hence mission trip. But do you get this picture in your mind of a bunch of crazy people going over to a country and just thumping on a bible proclaiming God's word to deaf ears? Well, that isn't this kind of trip...God is big enough, do I really need to be loud?? He will use me however he seems appropriate and I trust that. However, please do not assume you know what is going to happen while I'm there...even I don't know that!
What is a "Christian Organization?"
Why label anything a "Christian Organization"...doesn't that seem to limit the span of what God can do in a secular world?? I go on this trip with an organization that aligns their beliefs with the beliefs of what God teaches us...to love others and to refresh those around us. If that makes an organization "Christian", then so be it.

Titles are important because they give us a brief snapshot of what/who people are. However, we have to be very careful with what we do with that information. Do we label people quickly because of titles? Do we judge because of titles? Do we treat people differently because of titles? Yes, we do...I do...I have. I think what is more imporant is to see how people live...that is really who they are.
Therefore, if you were to ask me who I am and why I'm going to Africa, I would much rather say this:
"Hi, my name is Jen (girlfriend to Matty K..ha) and I desperately want to go to Africa to love children that I have never met. My heart yearns to meet them, to show them that I will not forget them and that I will tell everyone that I possibly can about their story. I am going with an organization who believes in these children and who understands, logistically and spiritually, what it takes to get over there to reach these children. I don't fully understand this desire, but it's like anything else in life, when you want something and you know it's right and true, you don't walk away...You do things in life that make you happy and better the world.

That is me in a nutshell..it is me without titles...the real me
But we must defend ourself in a way to the world..."I'm his wife, I'm the CEO, I'm the boss, I'm his owner, I'm in charge, I'm a Christian, I'm an Atheist", etc...titles only allow us to judge and that is what I must do a lot less of...judge others. So, I pray today that we all remember to just look at people as people...leave the titles at the door tomorrow. Could you do that? If you were stripped of your "title(s)" who would you be today??

Much love,
Jen

These are a few of my favorite things...

I was driving around town the other day and I started to think of Michigan and a wave of nostalgia washed over me. I miss the smell of Lake Michigan on one of those cold and dreary days when the waves are pounding the shore. I miss walking into my parent's home when my mom is cooking a stew, with buns, and possibly dessert (yes, please!!). I miss spring when everything is starting to turn green and there are flowers every where. Nostalgia...it's a love/hate relationship. I love the memories, the smells, the feeling. I hate the empty and lonely feeling that comes with it as well. I was pining for familiarities when it hit me that sooner or later, I will be doing this about Tucson...perhaps not to the same degree that I do about my family and Michigan, but I will miss it here once I'm gone.
I was driving North and the Catalinas were staring right back at me as the sun was setting to the west. The sun paints the Catalinas a pink that is so amazing I can't take my eyes off of them...I must remember to look...at...the...road. :) I know that I will miss this when I'm gone. As I continue my drive around town, I realize how much I have "slammed" this place.
The slams:
I hate the lack of good restaurants (it's like a hunt for a treasure around here...geez), the terrible sprawl of Tucson and why there is no freeway that is built that runs east/west. The summer is unbearable, the brown landscape can get downright depressing and why must EVERYTHING be built in a strip mall??? I could go on...but I am stopped by the things I do enjoy about it here.
A few of my favorite things:
Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles...ok just kidding! For real though...
I know of the best, cheapest, and most authentic sushi place in town. Matt and I have dinner there once/week since June of last year. They even let us customize our miso soup.
I have a great place that I can wash Rider at called Dirty Dawgs. The owner is great and her place is awesome...I don't think Rider loves it there as much, but he always looks like such a stud once we leave.
I know where the best pastry place is in town and their jalepeno bread is great toasted.
I can take Rider for a walk/run on the riverwalk right outside my apartment and he can always chase the rabbits and praire dogs that line the sidewalk
The sunsets are amazing...nothing more to be said
Mt. Lemmon is the best place to get away
I am only 5 hours from the Grand Canyon...it is amazing
The Plaza...the best wine/beer selection and the friendliest employees. I have only been here once, but it is my new favorite place. (Think of Fortino's for those who live in Grand Haven/Spring Lake)
There is a silly pizza place that has great pizza/pasta with a Greek fellow who plays the accordian. Please don't get him talking because he will go on about the Greeks...think of the Dad on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." That is this man!
I will miss the sound of the morning doves outside my window every morning
I will miss the live music that plays at the two greatest restaurants in town that are across from my apartment. I have a show every night for free!
I will miss the old guy that lives at my apartment complex and always asks about Matt and I (when are we getting married, but he will never come out and say it...instead it will be more like this, "you two still aren't connected, huh?")Ha..to top it off he will give Rider a treat for fun.
I will miss the maintenance guy who waves at me every day and says hello. I wave back and smile, even though I am irritated that his music is playing too loud in his shed which is joined to my apartment.:)
I will miss the monsoon season...wow, it is amazing!
I will miss Club Congress and the Rialto theatre where some of my favorite musicians have come through to play
I will miss going to the Corner Cafe and listening to old school country on Wednesdays. The menu even has a "Big A$$ bowl of Captain Crunch" for $2.00 - exactly how it is on the menu...makes me laugh every time
I suppose I could go on, but I will stop...


If you have made it through my blog, good for you. This blog is more for me...to remind me to enjoy the here and now because sooner or later it will be gone. The smells, the landscape, the food, the people...sometimes we have to slow down and find the good in any situation (or in my case, where I live). It's about wanting what we have...not what we haven't got.

I look forward to Africa, but I hope that I enjoy the life that I am living TODAY just as much as the days ahead that I look forward to...or in the days that are long past that make me feel nostalgic.

What do you love about your day...right now???

Much love,
Jen

Update...or...dateup...or...up to the date...:)

I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me. It has meant a lot to me...thank you, thank you!

I will definitely be giving a lot of you phone calls in the next few weeks, but I figured this blog can be used to give you a quick look on where I stand with the financials of this trip.

Total cost: $3150
Your support: $1000...exactly :)
And it continues to come in...it wasn't expected at all, but that is my lesson learned..."trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding."

Thank you!!

This month I'm getting all my shots/immunizations. Oh joy...

Spiritually I am learning more about myself every day. I ask for your prayers at this time. I pray for my heart to continue to be worked on and be prepared to "serve".
I have to keep myself in check every day in regards to this. I ask myself, "why am I going?" and I have to keep my motives pure and selfless.

Well, not much else to say. It's going to be another warm day in Tucson. It was supposed to rain yesterday and I was so excited when I was driving home from work because there were clouds in the sky. I haven't seen clouds in months! I love rain and I live in the desert...things that make you go "hmmmm"....

Much love,
Jen

Casper the Friendly Ghost

Invisible

We feel like that often, don't we?
I do

I feel invisible...

No one cares...

If they would just acknowledge my presence...

If they would just acknowledge the "going ons" of my life...

If they would just follow up with a simple question like, "how is your dad doing?"

Blah, blah, blah

Someone I work closely with said outloud one day in a joking way, "What am I? Invisible?!"

I wanted to say, "no you're not."

We went out tonight to celebrate her birthday two weeks late. I want her to know that I see her.

Africa has opened my eyes to, well, Africa, but to the people around me right here, right now in Tucson, AZ. We all feel like Casper the Ghost once in a while, but it is our responsibility, or at least mine, to let those people around me know that I "see" them. And it is also my responsibility to visit the children of Africa in Ethiopia to let them know that they are not invisible. I won't do anything to "save" them while I'm over there. I go there because I can't pretend that they aren't there...I have to let them know, by just my presence, that they aren't invisible and that God sees them and has not forgotten.

I wear a bracelet that is made by the people of Uganada. It is a reminder of the "Invisible Children" that have been orphaned by war/disease in Uganada. I wear it for them, but I also wear it as a reminder for me to slow down...talk to people..let God's light shine through my life and shine down on them! There is nothing more awesome feeling than when you feel the eyes of God on you...don't ya think?!

Be Bold in Love

I just got done checking out the website www.twloha.com (Stands for "to write love on her arms") Please check it out (after reading my blog, of course!) :)
I won't tell you much about the website, but it is truly amazing what a small group of people are doing. However, I read this on the website and it is beautiful:
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
I can't make this statement any more beautiful than it already is.
What I seem to struggle with is how I incorporate this in to my life every...single...day...of...my...life. Wait, every...single...moment in...my...life. Do you know what I'm talking about? How I can love more at certain times, but not all the time?
For instance, there is a woman that I work with and my heart breaks for her. I saw her today and I wanted to put my arms around her and let her know that I care. However, legalities or being "politically correct" keep me and her separate. I look like a stiff, rigid supervisor to her and I feel like I'm letting her down. How can I be going to Africa, yet I can't even love the people that are right in front of me? I have been struggling with this for the past few weeks and I have been asking God to speak for me and to show his love through me. I woke up the other morning (after another night of "off and on" sleep because of this exact feeling of not being able to reach these people) and the word "listen" was the first thing that came to mind.
I don't listen enough. I didn't write on this blog for a week because of this reason...sometimes, nothing needs to be said/written. I'm going to work on this. I am going to slow down (remember a previous blog I posted, "Peace Stealers", and I wrote that I am a fast-paced-individual) and I am going to listen. I am going to listen to those around me, I am going to be still and listen to God, I am going to listen to my parents more (for you, Mom and Dad), I am going to listen more than I talk.
If I am unable to reach out to this coworker, then it has been a lie I have told myself. I can reach out to them. I can pray, I can listen, and I can show her God's love through me. Like the quote from twloha.com, "we were made to be lovers bold in broken places"...then I must be bold...I must listen...I must show love.
Slow down today...listen...be bold...love someone.
Don Miller says (Author of Blue Like Jazz), "we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding." Wouldn't it be amazing if we all did that? We reached out to everyone and before we offer advice, judge, etc...we listen.

Who am I to judge?

We were on our bi-weekly conference call, my short term mission group, and our leader asked how our fundraising was going for the trip. A few of my team members explained their frustrations or worries and we all listened and I really felt blessed to not necessarily have to worry about the money aspect, however, I felt an overwhelming presence of God as I sat in the dark of my bedroom and looked out the window. I tried to listen to what my team was saying on the other end, but instead I was wrestling with God. "No, God, I don't want to admit that. I don't want to confess that...it's humiliating." The phone line quieted for a moment and our leader once again asked if anyone else had any comments or concerns. Before I could stop myself, I said it, "It's really not the money for me, but the fact that God has put me in the exact same position of those I had judged. You see, anytime someone from the church or a family friend, would send something in the mail in regards to a mission or fundraising to a Christian school I judged them. It would bother me that they would think of sending us a letter when I knew they had the money or I would really wonder what they were going to do 'somewhere out there'. God has a funny way of humbling us and, for me, he taught me a lesson by putting me in the exact position of those I judged. God is a sort of a comedian, a humbling comedian."
I had said "it"...I had gotten it off my chest. I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I had admitted it...I had judged.
It's still very hard to write those words. God is teaching me a lesson through this. I continue to face situations where I could, or can, so easily judge others around me, and I continue to go back to this moment...I don't want to say that I never judge or that I don't slip up, but I am more conscious of those times that I do. What is more amazing is how much this experience draws me closer to God. How true it is, that every bad situation can bring glory to God...
I write this blog to you. I have judged you, I nitpicked, I judged your motives, and I am truly sorry. I am humbled to my soul by this experience and I ask you for forgiveness. I thank you for reading my blog, supporting me financially, supporting me spiritually, and for accepting me...wow, God truly is awe-some!

Peace Stealers

I read once, in a magazine, about "peace stealers". In the article it discussed identifying those things that steal your peace; get you irritated, the blood boiling, the furrowed brow, etc. In the article, an example was given, by the author, on how she likes to be early/on time for all events/meetings and how her husband is always a few minutes late. Timeliness, or I should say, not being on time, is her "peace stealer".
Well, at work this weekend, I recalled this article and I thought to myself, "wow, work right now is really my peace stealer!" I tried to narrow it down during my drive home from work at 1:30am (yes, that is how late I was at work because I had to close.) I realized that it isn't the work, it's the pace. My job has a "speed is life" mentality and when you throw me into the mix (I am a fast-paced moving person in general), I can be like a tornado while I'm at work. I balance about 50 different projects at once and I have a notebook that I use to write every little thing I have to do that day and the days ahead...not a planner, a regular lined notebook that in one day, can be filled front/back with "to do" items.
In the article, it talked about making sure that you offset your peace stealers by making sure that you are proactive in ensuring that you take control of your peace stealers before they take a hold of you...for the author, it was talking to her husband about being on time and setting the clocks a few minutes ahead...sometimes they are late and sometimes they are on time...it evened out...So....As fast paced as my organization is, do I still allow it to steal my peace??? YES! If my job is making me go crazy at times, what can I do to off set it??? How can I "even it out?" Well, I'm going to Africa and I am volunteering at local organizations in Tucson. It is when I am most at peace with myself and with the world around me...I actually slow down and hear and listen to people. One of my favorite parts of the day is dusk, right before the sun sets. Usually, I'm driving home from work at that time and I get to watch the sunset. Life seems to slow down and I actually live...breathe...enjoy this life that God has planned for me and I usually reflect on the day and pray to God to help me feel a peace in my life, even when I am at work. I feel that God has lead me to this mission trip for this exact purpose (among many other reasons).
You see, this trip is, in a way, selfish in nature. I am going on this mission because I feel a real sense of peace with myself and with those around me when I think of going to Africa or volunteering here in Tucson. No one could, or can, steal this peace from me even if they tried...
James 3:17-18
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

Love is not love until you give it away

This video is on Mocha Club's main website...enjoy!

The Nitty Gritty

So you may be asking a lot of questions in regards to my trip to Africa (or maybe you are not)...either way I will attempt at answering all questions. Please let me know if you have any further questions...I like to talk :)

So on with the who, what, where, when, why, and sometimes, how...

Who:
Who is going on this trip?
Me, myself, and I and 8 other team members. 2 males and 7 females...those poor men! We range in age, but the average age is mid 20's. We are from all over the US and I look forward to meeting all of them face-to-face. We have to meet via conference calls every other week and we are in contact with each other in between those meetings via phone, email, facebook, myspace, etc. to get to know one another and prepare for our trip. It is truly amazing how technology can bring people together.

What:
What am I doing in Africa?
I am a member of an organization called Mocha Club. It is a Christian based organization where you donate $7/month (cost of 2 mochas - hence the name) toward a cause of your choice (education in Africa, clean water projects, orphanages, etc). Mocha Club decided to let their members see first hand what giving up 2 mochas each month can do for Africa. I jumped at this opportunity and applied.
We, my team and I, are first and foremost going there to love the people...serve and observe...Experience lives being changed...and it will probably be my own life that will change the most from this mission.
My team will be working at local orphanages throughout Ethiopia with Mocha Club director, Barrett Ward. These orphanages are for children from tiny babies to adolescents.

Where:
Where am I going?
In case you missed it, I'm going to Africa...:) more specifically, Ethiopia. We will work at a local orphanage in the capital of Ethiopia, Addis Ababa.
Here’s a quick, general breakdown of our time once on the ground in Addis Ababa. We’ll be visiting a number of ministry sites around the city as well as the area of Ambo just outside Addis Ababa.
* Kachini Study Center – 3 days
* Hannah’s orphanage – 3 days
* AWAA Transitional home – 1 day
* Ambo – 3 days total
· Kaly Hewet Church – 3 half days
· New Hope School – 3 half days

When:
When am I going?
Less than 3 months and couting...
I leave July 1 for Dallas. My team and I will be meeting in Dallas since that is where 963 missions (who Mocha Club partnered with to handle the logistics of the mission trips) is based. My team will then leave July 2nd from Dallas to Ethiopia and we will return July 15th.
As some of you know, it is difficult to get that much time off in any job, but with Target Corp. (who I work for), it is near impossible. However, I have been blessed to have my supervisor support me and she has let me take 2 weeks off. I'm sure I only benefit from the fact that my supervisor is Ethiopian herself and she is very excited for me to go...how ironic and great!!

Why:
Why go?
Why not go? This desire only comes from God and I truly believe that we can never give up hope for Africa and the people that call Africa their home.
For the first time in world history, a genocide was proclaimed in Africa, Sudan, while it is still occurring...I can not turn away from this fact...we know and we must act, I must act! I go because I'm convicted...I must go to at least show that we have not forgotten...
I have no box to check once I go, it's not something that I will take off my list of things to do in my lifetime...I can assure you of that...

How:
How am I going?
I am arriving on plane in Ethiopia after only a few hour flight :)
I am going once I have raised enough funds and when I know that I am prepared spiritually...period.

Cost:
$3150 - includes roundtrip airfare to and from Ethiopia and all accomodations while I'm there
1) I raise support
2) I support myself

How you can help:
#1 Support me in prayer

I was talking to one of my peers from this trip a few days ago and I was asking her to pray for me to have a support team. I long to have a team that is back home that is praying for me and my team and is just as much a part of this trip as everyone that is actually going to Ethiopia. Being spiritually prepared for this trip is my #1 priority.
I ask for safety, security and health of my team. I also ask that our hearts and minds be prepared to serve.

For more information, please take a look at these websites to find out more:

http://www.mochaclub.org/
http://www.africanleadership.org/ (mocha club's parent company)
http://www.963missions.com/

#2 Support me financially

I love, love, love coffee! I also love fair trade/wage coffee. If you love coffee and supporting people that deserve it, then try out 963missions fair trade coffee that is fresh from Guatemala. 963missions has partnered with farmers in Guatemala so that they give 60% of the proceeds back to the farmers for every bag of coffee that they sell. If you buy their coffee, you support the farmers (60%) and the other 40% of your total purchase will be donated to my trip to Africa. You can click the link below and it saves a "cookie" on your computer so that your computer "knows" to make the donation to my account.
http://www.963coffee.com/c-1-963-coffee.aspx?affiliateID=10127
* My niece loves the hot cocoa *

What if you want to send a check?

Make the check out to African Leadership
Mail to:
963 Missions
10440 N. Central Expressway
Suite,122
Dallas, TX 75231

Or to me:
Jennifer Erickson
2002 E. River Rd. Apt. L-1
Tucson, AZ 85718

Please feel free to ask me any and all questions...
email: jennyerickson26@hotmail.com
cell: 616.301.5103

Thanks for finding out more about my trip and for the support that I have already received...
Much love,
Jen

Going to Africa

I went for a run today with Rider (my pup). I decided to go up to Mt. Lemmon since it is typically 20 degrees cooler than scorching Tucson. We ran the trails at about mile 20 at about 6000 ft. elevation...perfect weather. Absolutely breathtaking views of Tucson to the south of the trail and to the north were more pine trees than I could count (including patches of snow between the trees). It felt like I had flown to another part of the country, even though I was still in good ol' Tucson, AZ. I love it there...I love the sweet smell of the pine needles. I love how quiet it is with just the sound of Rider's paws on the rocks along the trail and my wheezing breath as I try to run along the overgrown trailheads. I love watching the hawks soar across the sky and then dive toward the ground. I could go on and on about how nice it is to get away to my own little haven, even if it is for only an hour. My point is, Mt. Lemmon is a blessing to have when living in the desert.
After our run, Rider and I jumped back into the Rover and made our way down the winding 20 miles toward Tucson. My mood sours with each moment as I descend down the mountain. It is depressing to be leaving such a beautiful place and I try to soak in the scenery that is changing by the second. There is a paved parking area for a lookout that is usually littered with cars and people taking photographs of the picturesque Tucson (the only time that I can say that about Tucson being "picturesque"). On this particular drive home I saw an older gentleman attempting to take a picture of a boulder that is perched warily on top of another...it is quite amazing...but my thoughts did not wander toward the fact it seems impossible for this boulder to have stayed perched in that particular fashion for thousands of years. Instead my thoughts wandered toward the man taking the picture. Why would someone want to take a picture of this boulder on the side of the road, that so many people before him have seen and taken pictures of? Why not get off the well-beaten-path and find his own spot and maybe take a picture that is worth more than the one he was taking? Isn't this how life is, though? We are comfortable staying on the path, yet we don't realize that there is more to see if we were to stray from the path we are on? I believe that I saw more of Mt. Lemmon on my run with Rider than I could have ever seen at a lookout spot on the way up.
I used to be like the man by the side of the road taking pictures. I used to be a bystander to my own life. I did things that I thought were best for me, but never made me happy. Then I met Matt, my boyfriend, who has this huge zest for life! You think of an activity (outdoors preferably) and he has done it. Dating him has made me realize that I love doing those exact same things, but I never let myself do them. The second part of my "waking up" is when I moved to Tucson, I had a real difficult time deciding what I was doing out here and I wanted to find my niche. It came in a desire to volunteer, talk to the homeless on the street, and to top it all off, I wanted to go to Africa. For those of you who know me, I haven't had the desire to do these things so it came as a real shock to me when I found myself drawn to talking to John Doe on the street corner. So, long story short, I followed this desire to go to Africa. God said go and I'm going...
I have learned so much about myself from this mission, and I haven't even gone yet. I invite you to join this trip with me and I will keep you posted on the logistics of this trip, my spiritual growth, my team, and much more....
I pray for all of you that God moves you to get out of your car, hike a trail and take in your surroundings...there is more to life than meets the eye:)
Much love,
Jen